The Many Faces of KJ

This is Kaylin hoppin' mad.
This is Kaylin pleased as punch.

This is Kaylin extremely concerned.

This is Kaylin having the time of her LIFE!

Alright, so, our little one is a little expressionless. I think I will retire the camera until I can get a smile because the last 20 pictures in my camer all look like these.

Some days

You just need a good cry.

Missing the Manny

I cannot believe it has been almost a week (or has it been a week?) Since my last post.. coming from someone who "statistically" puts out 4 posts a week.. that is S.A.D. Oh well, I am sure you know that I am busy, and although I have an EXTREMELY good baby... it is the REST of my life that is spinning horribly out of control.

That is why I miss the Manny. (For those of you that don't know what that is, it is a MALE NANNY and it formerly came in the form of my husband who is now back to work.)

Ok, so, you know I am grateful for his job and I am sure he is too... but, I sure do miss my Manny. I got sooooooooo many things done.. .that now, seem to go by the wayside.

• I miss his help getting the kids off to school
• I miss him fixing lunch. (Oh yeah baby, he IS the MASTER sandwich maker.
• I miss him doing at least the second 1/2 of Jaxon's therapy run
• I miss him entertaining the kids while I fix dinner
• I miss him doing homework with Abby
• I miss watching The Actor's Studio with him at lunch (DVR'd episodes)
• I miss him watching PTI while I fix dinner
• I miss him doing the dishes
• I miss him.
• I miss having more time with him
• I miss going to In and Out for lunch with him (only on Special Occasions)
• I miss taking naps while he listened for Wade
• I miss him getting Wade up from naps and attending to diaper and sippy cup duty
• I miss him taking care of errands I didn't want to run (i.e. the Grocery Store)
• I miss him.
• I miss him folding laundry in my bedroom
• I miss him making fun of the DVR'd shows I am watching during the day (Who am I kidding, he still makes fun of those)
• I miss having someone to talk to during the day that has more than a 100 word vocabulary
• I miss him directing the kids in their after school TV time and play time (let's face it, I am a sucker and let them watch too much TV after school... I am trying)
• I miss him watching the kids while I went to "lunch club" for Relief Society
• I miss him.

It is official. I miss him. BIG TIME. The thing that is getting most out of control is of course, the cleanliness of the house. I normally can keep that under control NO PROBLEM... But it seems to be the last thing on my list after Nursing, doing laundry, and maybe trying to get something going for dinner. I know this won't last forever and I am definitely trying my best to enjoy this little ANGEL the most that I can.. But it also seems about time to get my butt in gear and try to lose a few lbs.. .So, off I go.. Getting the kids in the double jogger... See you later!

Ps- My MIL was here last week playing Nanny (I wish you could all see her jump on the trampoline with my Wade... too cute for words), and you would think I would have had time to blog some more... BUT we were INCREDIBLY BUSY with more projects! I will post pictures soon. YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT! :)

I can't believe I didn't

Blog about the Bachelor this week. BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WATCHED IT! Compared to most though, I am truly missing the boat. Sleep deprivation is stifling my ability to notice the fine and completely entertaining detail... But, the FABULOUS Jeanelle has taken up in my spot.

We had a hilarious e-mail chain going yesterday that left me truly amazed at what I missed when I was watching the show. I am very bleary eyed... cuz even though this baby is a VERY GOOD baby.. She likes to try to stay up on her 2 a.m. feeding.. and I always have a spot of trouble getting her settled back down. It is costing me my razor sharp bachelor senses. (If it sounds like a Super Hero Power, that is because, IT IS)

Thank HEAVENS Jeanelle has been blogging about it so I can read and laugh and remind myself to watch it again when I am a little more alert. If you want some REALLY great Bachelor entertainment, check Chris Harrison's blog. Just ANOTHER reason to love Chris Harrison. (My favorite host BY FAR... especially if you have seen any of his outtakes. He truly has a fantastic sense of humor--- Oh wait, did I just say FAVORITE HOST? He must be running neck and neck with Tom Bergeron.. .because I totally love him too.)

On a side note... I miss my Manny... Peter had his first full day of work yesterday and I was....

LONELY.

If you would have asked me back in October if I liked having him home I would have told you that I was secretly pulling my hair out and wanted him out of my "office" for the day. I guess I had a few months to change my mind.... More on that to come.

I am in LOVE.

I am in love. I think the season is getting to me because I have moments where I am just overwhelmed with L.O.V.E. (I am sure sleep deprivation is causing quite a bit of emotion too)



The past 9 months, I have been gestating. Not just a baby, but a new life, extreme challenges, heartbreak, frustration, sadness, wonderful blessings, calm and peace only the spirit can bring, and new love for my husband of 9 years.



I have shed more tears than I could have possibly imagined. I have asked why. I have cursed the heavens. I have resigned myself to God's will, I have overcome my frustrations, I have truly let God and let go.



You see, back then... we were on our way to a new life. But, apparently it wasn't the new life we THOUGHT we were getting. It was the new life Heavenly Father wanted us to have. He knew that it would be life altering. He knew that we would become stronger because of it. He knew that I would eventually realize that if I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, I would have NEVER had a fourth child. He knew that these challenges would forever change my husband from the person I knew he was into an even better, more focused, more spiritual person than he was before.



We lost a lot in the process. A lot of $$$$$, a lot of hair, a lot of friends (from moving away), a lot of sanity, a lot of peace and even MORE SLEEP.



We gained grey hairs (I finally got one), new help for Jaxon, a new daughter and a better life. (We haven't yet gained back the sleep)



But here we are at the end. (kind of) Looking back, and BEGINNING to realize why it all went down. All I can feel is love. LOVE. L.O.V.E. In a whole new way. Don't get me wrong. It was rough. Rougher than I thought my life would EVER be. But I am grateful because now I see what I have. Now I see some light. Now I see that maybe Heavenly Father knows the plan a little better than I do, and now, I have more faith to let him be in total control. (Because I never even REMOTELY had control of this DOOZEY) I just had moments... Moments of inspiration. Moments of peace. Moments when I knew exactly what I needed to do to help my husband endure and find peace even in the most difficult of times. It is a horrible experience to watch someone you love suffer and struggle when there is nothing you can do except try to support them through it all.



We grew. We grow. We are still growing. We have a L.O.N.G. way to go to get back to where we were (stability wise).... But we are on our way.



Peter starts work on Tuesday.

ONE WEEK OLD

My little babe is one week old.

So I am NOT a professional photographer...

Get over it.

FYI: Kaylin is pretty much a dream. Here is to hoping she stays that way! She doesn't fuss unless she is hungry and that is minimal at best. :) She is still up in the night 1 -2 x. But, who can blame her? The girl was 10 lbs!!! PS- If she is sometimes referred to as Kaylie, don't be confused. Our negotiation was that I could name her Kaylin, as long as Peter could call her Kaylie.. DONE. You are free to choose whichever you prefer.

Miracle Part 1

I have a lot to share... but don't know where to start. Let's just say that only having to get up for ONE feeding at night (last night, 3:00 a.m.) has made me feel like a WHOLE NEW WOMAN!

I mean, yesterday, if you would have talked to me... asked me a question such as, "How is your day?" I would have burst into tears and blubbered something about sleep deprivation and how insane I am that I had another baby and blah blah blah. It was tragic.

TODAY, if you would ask me how my day is I would say, "FABULOUS, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, I AM SO BLESSED!" Because, I am. I am sure there will be a few more sleepless nights, but right now, WOW. I feel great. So great, I think I might clean the kitchen floor. (Don't worry, no mops, just vacuums for now) There are lots of other miracles going on right now. Ones that I can't WAIT to share, but for now, I will share how this awesome little babe made her entry into the world. Lots of you have asked, and so, if you are interested... here is how it all went down. If you aren't interested, STOP READING RIGHT NOW!

As you know, (well, I guess you would only know if you read ALL of my blog posts) I scheduled an induction because this little girl was NOT going to come out willingly. I was officially due on Feb 3rd. (Of course I thought I was going to have her January 20something) I had originally scheduled one for the week prior, but chickened out because.....

As a VBAC patient, there is not a lot a Dr. can do for me to get me into Labor. As a matter of fact, MOST Dr.s will do NOTHING because of the risk involved. (i.e. my uterus splitting open from the previous incision from my c-section--hey, I said stop reading if you can't hack it!) So, I decided to wait one more week. On Saturday night I had contractions for 12 hours straight, but they never went below 10 mins apart (unless I was out walking.. believe me I TRIED). Anyway, on Monday I went to the Dr. and scheduled the soonest induction I could have, and I use the words "induction" loosely, because there isn't a lot they can do for a VBAC. My Dr.s said they would break my water and MAYBE give me a LITTLE pitocin.

We checked into the hospital at 7:30 a.m. on Wednesday Feb 4th for my scheduled induction and of course didn't see a Dr. until around 10:00. I think she broke my water about 10:30 a.m. and NOTHING HAPPENED. They wouldn't let me walk either because of my "status" (VBAC). So, I laid there and watched the Bonnie Hunt show and a bunch of other TV I never get to see because I am either watching Super Why or Teletubbies...

About 12:30 she came to "check me" and there had been little to no activity (3 cm), so they set me up on a pit drip. Now, me compared to a regular pit drip is increase by 1 every 30 mins. Normally, they would increase by 2 every 30 mins up to 30 ccs. For me, they would go no higher than 6. No worries. By the time I was up to a 4 on the pit drip, (about 3:00 p.m.) I asked for that BLESSED EPIDURAL.

In comes the all knowing anesthesiologist. Whom asked, "is there anything I should know before I get started?" I said, "YES! The last Dr. said to start a few spots higher on my back because my contacts are too tight" [it took him 45 mins to get me my epidural with Wade and I almost killed the poor man]. Of course this Dr. being SO MUCH BETTER than the other Dr. decided to ignore my advice and to do TWO attempts as well. GEE THANKS. I LOVE THAT SHARP SHOOTING PAIN IN MY BACK. CAN YOU DO IT AGAIN? Anyway, x2 was successful and after that, it was smooth sailing. I seem to recall saying things like, "Am I even HAVING contractions?" I guess the only bad thing would be that my blood pressure bottomed out... and they spent some time working on that. It felt like I was just uber tired and a little loopy. Maybe like a drug induced high? I wouldn't know.

She was delivered at about 5:15 p.m. We pushed a little with my nurse (whom I totally loved, shared a birthday with as well as a complete addiction to chapstick) and then the Dr. came and we finished things up! You might be thinking, "huh, I thought that was almost a 10 lb. baby!" Well, she was, but as my previous OB said, "I think you could give birth to a Mac Truck" (I take it as a compliment) I am not a little person so, getting her out wasn't so hard. As a matter of fact, she had a perfectly round head..... No cones... because, well, I have a gigantic pelvis... so, there you have it. :)

More on the other miracles if I get another good nights sleep.

Trying to Live

#4

I am having a hard time putting this post together.

I am overwhelmed.

With LOVE

and

With FEAR

I am just kidding.

Life with Kaylin has been pretty great.

I forget how great (tiring) it is to have such a small spirit in the house.

Abby adores her and adores holding her.

Jaxon notices her and is impressed when she opens her eyes.

Wade wants ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with her,

but made some small progress this morning by approaching her. (A big step)

So far we are making it.

I am happy to have Peter home.

Although, being employed would be great too :)

She is a pretty mellow baby.

Some crying, but not too much.

Only when I want to go to bed.

I am getting rest, thanks to Peter.

MOSTLY, I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE HER OUT

She looks NOTHING like our other children.

I am not sure where she came from!

Here are some more pictures for you to FEAST on. :)

Hospital day #2

Getting some love from K-lo, one of her namesakes!

Giving the "one eye" to Abby.

The family picture I didn't get at the hospital! I didn't even get a picture of ME holding her at the hospital! (Poor 4th child)

This just happens to be what she is doing RIGHT NOW. :)

Pictures of the WHOPPER

All dolled up.

We have yet to see her eyes...

For the TRUE SCOPE of the Fatness... Enjoy.

She is a WHOPPER!

I wish I could post a pic.. but, not yet. Kaylin Jean was born at 5 :15 p.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. 10 oz!! I can't WAIT to show you a pic because she looks NOTHING like my other kids! Where did she come from? More to come tomorrow. :)

The Bachelor Goes CIVIL?

Wow, I have never heard so many people say so many nice things about the OTHER people on The Bachelor ! It was like a big ol' testimony meeting!

Truthfully, I think Naomi should have gone home tonight. Not that Stephanie was my favorite (her look is a little extreme) but, she was obviously a total sweetheart, caregiver, kind heart... It was amazing to see the girls treat each other so CIVILLY!

It must just be because they are *gasp* normal people??? Awwww, then what fun is THIS going to be??? I can't say that I EVER remember an episode of the Bachelor where I liked more than ONE person. (Maybe TWO at the most) But I can honestly say, although I think Stephanie wasn't right for him... I still liked her ok. No one could find anything bad to say about her!!

Right now, my favorites are Jillian, Molly and Melissa. *SCANDAL* Melissa's home date goes terribly wrong! Next week looks like better blog fodder anyway. (The dead dove burial?? Buh Bye Naomi!)

Pretty Near Perfect

Believe it or not, I had a pretty near perfect day on Saturday. (I know, hard to believe since I have not had this baby yet) But it is true!!! The weather was near 80 degrees, Jaxon has learned to ride his bike without training wheels and I decided to capitalize on BOTH while trying to get this baby to budge.

SO: We went on a riding bike tour of our neighborhood.

I wish I would have had my camera. We rode through the abandon streets (one of many of Az's empty and not growing neighborhoods, due to the economy and market failure) of our development to each of the neighborhoods 4 parks. The empty streets were perfect as Jaxon riding his bike is like a scud missile with multiple possible targets. I was able to let him ride behind me (YES, I WAS RIDING A BIKE AT 9 MONTHS PREGNANT. Yet another reason I didn't take my camera, one doesn't want proof of such things. ) and every once in a while I would turn to look at him in a pile of legs and bike parts waiting for assistance. He kept getting back on though and the kids thought my ability to find new and undiscovered parks was purely amazing! I would sit and enjoy the sun while they explored the greatness of our many neighborhood parks!

We finally made it home and I decided to get productive. It was time to clean the house for the 4 th time in an effort to show good faith that this baby WILL EVENTUALLY COME. I enlisted Abby to empty the dishwasher and much to my surprise, she then volunteered to mop the floor!

I even caught her enjoying it! I mean, I am going to capitalize on her being WILLING to mop the floor as long as I can, and someday, I will show her this picture of a time where she ASKED to mop the floor and LOOKED LIKE she was enjoying it. Ah, the sweet wonder of capturing a moment on FILM. After that, I took a nice long bath (no pix of that of course) and decided to make CUPCAKES to celebrate our baby's birthday. I was hoping that us celebrating would encourage her to make her debut. It didn't, but, I have eaten several cupcakes every day since.. .just in case.

Wouldn't this make YOU want to come out????

Happy Birthday baby! We hope you decide to come out soon!

Sorry you missed your birthday party!

(Note: Baby's birthday party was followed by 14 hours of contractions at 10 mins apart... then, Nothin')