Sunday, January 6, 2013

Year In Review

I can hardly believe this will be our SECOND Christmas in this house. A milestone for the Wynia family for sure. I think, to date, we have now lived in one house longer than anywhere else in our entire lives. And you know what? It feels good. I think the timing was right. I really didn't mind being a vagabond for several years. I like the cleansing process of a move. Reorganizing my life. Purging the excess. It feels good. The actual MOVING part is not much fun, but I like the rest of it. But it also feels good to be in one place.

It's hard to think back a year ago. So much of my life is just getting through that particular day. I can't believe that it was almost a year ago that Peter and I went to Jamaica for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. What a blessing that trip was. We don't have the means, or opportunity to do that much for ourselves, and it was such a welcome trip after so much. The spring seemed like such a mellow time. I didn't have anyone in any sport (except for Wade in baseball, which he LOVED) and it was so nice. After a long (and hot) summer, I was super excited for the kids to get into school. I was so relieved with the choice to go to the Charter School, and looking back now, I realize that it was such a blessing in disguise. I didn't have the time, or wherewithal to figure out where my kids needed to be. When we moved here, I just put their names on every single Charter School list I could think of. To know that we live so close (not as close as our home school, but still) and to know that my kids education is so great is such a reassurance that we are in the right place. The school has done the most for Abby, getting her to take responsibility for her work, not missing assignments (which was difficult at first, and we had a big learning curve) and getting her to really apply herself in school. She made Honor Roll the first semester, and I think she made it again this semester. She is the biggest challenge in our family right now. I think it is that "tweenager" thing coming around. . .

Jaxon has finally gotten himself settled into school. With a change in teachers this year, and being at the same school  WITHOUT a principle that saw Jaxon as a major roadblock. With her gone, he has a clean slate, and he is happy, well adjusted and even doing well in school, and he is being mainstreamed more as well, which makes his mamma happy. He is behind in general in his education, but we are making good strides, and I am happy to see his progress.

Wade, the golden boy. I'm not gonna lie, he's pretty fantastic. He is smart, happy, and pretty well adjusted. He has some angry bear moments. But for the most part, he's a pretty great kid. He doesn't love to clean, or do chores, and he likes to play video games far too much, but great, really great. I'm sure he'll have some problems. Doesn't everyone?

Kaylie, dear Kaylie. My saving grace is that she goes to preschool two days a week, and daycare two days a week so that I can work. Honestly, the biggest blessing of my life, because that girl is A LOT to handle. Love her to pieces, and when she is being sweet, she is very very sweet, but  when she is being bad, she is HORRID! (Bless her heart)

Me, I'm doing well. The kids are keeping me VERY busy, and I now know what it means to be hauling a bunch of kids around to various activities, helping with homework, being a slave to schedules, and running around. It's a different life. One that I didn't think would be so overwhelming, but, it is. I am trying to make sure that it is not excessive, and that we still fit in the things that are important, however, that is not always the way it works out.We fall behind, and make mistakes for sure. I'm trying to juggle more balls than ever before with work, home, housekeeping and everything else. Sometimes I am astonished with what I can do. Other times, I don't want to do a darn thing!!!!

Husband, the stores are doing well, still lots of work, constant state of progression. We are learning to balance. Together. It is hard when you run your own business to not be constantly drawn to working on it, or being at work, or working, or worrying about work. But it is getting better, and we still love it. We will love it a lot more when we get to see the "fruits" of our labor, but, we love it.

You know what I like about this?

Is that I can post things on here and there is a DARN good chance no one will read it. But if you happen to, you will be privy to some special information. I'm pregnant. Yep. Just found out. The feelings are mixed. I have known this day would come for quite some time. About the time that we were getting ready to move to CA, actually, about 4-5 months BEFORE that, my husband knelt in prayer. Just you know, night time prayer. Nothing special. He stood up and immediately said, "Oh no." When I inquired as to what the problem might be, he said, "you don't want to know.." I insisted that I DID want to know, and he said, I saw another child. Me, "?"

I was pretty much astonished. As a youth, young person, new mother, I had aspirations of having 5 children. It was what I grew up with, so, it sounded natural. After we had Jaxon, we took a long break from having kids, because, to be honest, Peter wasn't sure he wanted any more. He insists that my desire to have more children was strictly based on culture pressures, and silliness. But not so. I sincerely felt the Lord's promptings in expanding our family. Much to my husband's chagrin. ***UPDATE: I have since heard my HUSBAND tell this story, and he said that he was giving a prayer of gratitude for the opportunity to work with his dad again on a business venture. . and during his prayer, offered to do whatever H.F. would ask of him and almost immediately after, had the distinct impression we were supposed to have another child. Clear as day.

Even being a "baby person" the daunting task of parenting Jaxon for the first three years of his life, had inevitably changed his parenting desires, and he claimed to no longer want any more children. Not even the ones we ended up having. The funny thing is I would pray and pray and pray for Peter's heart to soften, and just about the time I was ready to have another baby, he would say, "okay" and we would have another baby. (He, by the way, swears he was having babies against his will.)

The thing is, this time, I was sure I was done. Certain. Kaylie has been the most challenging child we have had to date. She was a horrible baby (I'm sorry, but she was) She WOULD NOT SLEEP TRAIN. And I sleep trained all of my babies. Even Jaxon. She woke up every morning at 4 or 5 A.M. even when we were moving, and I would pray my guts out every day that she would just sleep a little longer, and that prayer was never answered.... and she would wake up by doing THIS.

I mean, if that doesn't make you want to poke your eyeballs out every single day, I don't know what does!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! She is still a challenge, and I was certain, we were done. But how could I not listen to a husband who was done after #2, and saying that now, there was an additional spirit that needed to be in our home.

It took us a long time to get to this point. A looooooooooong time. He had these feelings almost three years ago!!! I told him I would not consider it until we were well established in our new home, because I was pregnant with Kaylie when our lives were imploding, and although I knew my life would not implode when I moved to California, I also knew it would be a LOT of work, and a struggle to start a fledgling business. After we had lived here for around 9 months, Peter started in. Quite frankly, I was hoping he had forgotten. I told him there were stipulations to my pregnancy. We disagreed. We disagreed some more. And finally, he came to me and said, I don't know what else to do. This is what we are supposed to do, and I almost can't sleep at night with it weighing on me. I complied. Really, I know, that sounds horrible. Just complying in a situation like this, but I did. I was hoping that eventually I would get the answers that I needed and the faith that I needed to go through with it. I stopped using birth control. Eight months went by, and I never got pregnant. I was hoping the Lord forgot! YAY ME!. But, no. I have done all that I can to get myself "on board" and honestly, I am still not sure that I am. But I am taking the leap of faith, into the darkness. I am praying that this will bless our family with the things that we need at this time. There are people in our family still struggling with issues. I hope that some of these issues will be resolved either with this baby, or with our faith in having this baby. And so it is. I am pregnant. At 40. Something I swore I WOULD NOT DO.

But, I did.


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