Cart Before the Horse . . Or worst kept secrets.

This post has been a long time coming. And it might just be the most delayed post I have ever written. I wrote it MONTHS ago. I mean, MONTHS, but I am finally ready to post it. And so. . .here it is. It is probably the worst kept secret in my life, but I am ready to put it out there for everyone to see.

I don't think it will be shocking to ANYONE. Especially after my LAST post, but here it is.

Spring is my favorite time of year. Maybe it is because it is my Birthday! Maybe it is because I love the blooming flowers. Maybe it is because my Anniversary is in the spring! Maybe it is because the world seems to start anew. Maybe it is all because of new beginnings I have had, and I have had lots.

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you would know that the past couple (3) years have been a big challenge for our family in many, many ways. If you don't know, you can read about it HERE.

Things seemed to calm down right around the time that Kaylie was born. However, they really didn't. That year Peter started a new job, we moved (for the 9th time in 10 years), and Peter embarked on doing a Master's Degree along with working full time. With a brand new baby, it was a lot to take on. Extreme stress and long hours became the name of the game. Not to mention, there still seemed to be a bit of "un-rest" with our new situation. It didn't sit well with Peter and he was uncertain our lives were moving in the right direction. Oy.

That was hard for me. (And him) Because we had been trying to get back on our feet for several months. Trying to re-group. Trying to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Trying to "buck-up". But even though he got a job (not a great one) and was re-careering, we still felt like we weren't quite there yet. We figured it was just because we were busier than ever, and in a job that was several steps backward. He interviewed, and interviewed, and interviewed. We even had several "final interview"s and we never got the offer. Something was still standing in our way, and we weren't sure what.

In November, Peter was laid off.

It wasn't what we were expecting.

He was only a year into his Master's Program, that his job was paying for.

It was the main reason we were at that job.

At first, it seemed like a curse.

Then we realized, it was a blessing.

This was our big chance.

To make it right.

Our family was reeling from the news, and once again faced with uncertainty. Or, continued with uncertainty, or increased our uncertainty. Been there? For three years? Really? It's not fun.

We have earned our stripes, and made it through. I am not going to say it was completely without scars, but I can say, we are stronger. We have finally chosen a direction to go, and almost feel compelled. Which is such a relief after years of uncertainty and question. Our new "trajectory" is taking us to a new place. A new STATE.

California.

I can hardly believe it as I type that. Peter and I have lived in Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Washington, Arizona and now we are going to add California to our repitore. I can honestly say that neither one of us has EVER had a desire to live in the state. Don't get me wrong, it is a great place to visit, but I can honestly say, it wouldn't be our first choice, but it is now.

And we are going.

We feel peace. More peace that we have felt in a long time. We were scared, and took painstaking measures to make sure this was the right thing for our family. We have done countless hours of research and know exactly what to expect, and how it is going to go down.

But it has been decided, and it is final.

We are going to California.

And we are going to open a new franchise in a little town called Temecula.

And that franchise is one that we know well, and love, and have researched a TON.

It is:

Ever heard of it?

I cried the ugly cry.

Yesterday was the last day of school. The day BEFORE yesterday, I was trying to find someone who could watch my kids while I went to the dentist. One friend said, "I have to go to Kindergarten Graduation", and then I remembered,

I DO TOO!


I immediately checked the time of the "graduation" and it was at exactly the same time as my dental appointment. That was NOT going to work. So, I cancelled the appointment and prepared myself to fight with two non-stationary kids during a kindergarten graduation the next day.



The next day came and my husband was home sick! Perfect! Now I can go hands free to the graduation! (I am sure he was thrilled). Anywho, I entered the auditorium and sat down. After a few minutes of waiting I saw Jaxon's teacher enter the room. The amount of love I have for that woman is difficult to measure. She has unflinchingly weathered through all of Jaxon's issues this year with total love, support and compassion. I felt humbled, once again, to be in such a fortunate position to have her as part of our lives. All of you know that sometimes the situations that our kids fall in to are not always ideal, and when Jaxon first entered school here in AZ, I was definitely NOT SURE that it was going to be a good situation. After Jaxon was situated in the "right place" he started to flourish and has grown so much.



I know that the reason for his fantastic growth and development is in large part to the wonderful support he receives from his therapists and teachers who love him and give every ounce of their patience and support to him.


I was completely caught off guard because when I saw her, I started to cry in realizing that she was not going to be a part of his daily life anymore. How was I going to live? Then they started playing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" (the ukulele version) and I started to cry, and it wouldn't stop. I cried, and cried and cried.


Not because I was sad, but because I am so grateful to educators and therapists for what they do for Jaxon every day. I could not do it alone, and although I work with him lots at home, it is because they work with him even more at school and it is because all of us together work as a team to make sure he succeeds in this life.


At times, it is just so "part of my life" that I don't even think about it. It is just what I do, it is just what they do, it is just what "we" do. But yesterday, I realized that it isn't. And I am grateful beyond words for the time and effort they put into my son.


What is frustrating is that I don't know how to thank them. I don't know how to tell them how much they mean to me. I tried to tell them, and with all my tears yesterday, I am sure they know, but still. I wish there was some way to tell them the effect that they had on my son in the most critical years of his development. They will always hold a special place in my heart. I never want to let go.

Ms. Deffenbaugh, total angel.

Mrs. Boettcher, Inspired and perfect Special Ed teacher.

Jaxon holding his diploma. (Look for the tallest kid, of course)

And Jaxon's first love. I couldn't help it. Look for small, Latina, and purple dress. I think his depiction of her was pretty much spot on.

I took video on my cell phone of it all, but I can't seem to get it off my phone, and right now, it is killing me.

We like to Move It Move It. . .

Peter and I like to move. Really? No, not REALLY. But we do it anyway. Sometimes it is for work, sometimes it is for size, sometimes it is for location, and sometimes it is because of inspiration. Regardless, we are moving... AGAIN.

Peter determined today that we have moved 7 times in the last 8 years. I guess that is not as bad as some, but considering my husband is not in the military.. it is substantial. Between those moves, we have moved to 4 different states (including the one that we are going to) So, I guess that means... we move to a different state every other move. (About)

So, you might ask.. WHERE ARE WE GOING????

I will tell you. . . tomorrow. MAYBE it will be a location near YOU!

PS- some of you MAY have already figured it out. If you know me only by my blog, I will know you are an avid reader if you have figured it out. :) There COULD BE A PRIZE FOR YOU IF YOU KNOW WHERE!!!

The Middle Man

Jaxon is a blessing . . . in so many ways. Yes, it is challenging to have a child with Autism, (and overwhelming, frustrating, horrifying, scary, debilitating, enlightening, refreshing, and fun) but my husband and I were out to dinner last night and we realized that Jaxon provides us with something that we probably would have NEVER had if we didn't have him and that is: A simple and pure outlook of success.

Success is measured so differently when you have a child with Autism. With our older daughter, we are frustrated when she doesn't get 100% on a spelling test that she aced at home. . . with Jaxon, we will be THRILLED if we can teach him how to read. With Wade . . . we want him to go to school and have a career! With Jaxon, we will be thrilled if he can get a job at McDonald's.

Now, before you get up in arms about the low-expectations we have for Jaxon. It really isn't that way, it is just that we have been released from ANY expectation. The NATURAL expectation that you have for your kids... it is just not there with Jaxon. I am sure he WILL be able to do the things that I mentioned (read, get a job) but, it is a blessing to just feel grateful for what he DOES accomplish . . instead of having expectations for your children that they may or may not accomplish. You know, we ALL have them. But it is nice to NOT have them for Jaxon.

I would like to think that our Heavenly Father looks at us more the way we look at Jaxon, instead of the way everyone thinks He does...like He is disappointed when we don't 'measure up' to His expectations for us. Maybe He is just thrilled with what we DO learn, and what we DO accomplish. Of course, He always wants more for us, but probably doesn't hang it over our heads.

It is just a different outlook on life, success and expectations. Without him, we wouldn't have that. Thank you Jaxon: we love you.


PS- That big giant chair that you see Jaxon sitting it, yeah, the one that looks like it came from your Grandma's house? Well, it did. And it graces Peter's MAN ROOM.