Almost there, and none too soon.

Abby came back! And thankfully, my prayers were answered. We ended our barrage of summer activities with a trip to Spokane for the 4th of July. It.was.awesome. All my kids are old enough to handle a plane ride without too much trouble, they were easy going and enjoyed themselves everyday. Yet another reason having this baby seems like such a sacrifice! We may have waited just a bit too long. I'm getting way too comfortable in my parenting job.

Maybe that's the point. But it is really really really nice to have a reprieve from the drum beat that is infants and toddlers. I would imagine by next year, when kaylie is in kindergarten, I will be happy to have my sidekick and be enjoying time with him even more.

As with all pregnancies, I am quickly losing patience about being pregnant. One: I got pregnant in time for a summer pregnancy. Being your biggest in the hottest months is a total nightmare. I personally think I am handling it pretty well. I am sure there are people in my house that would disagree. Two: I have gestational diabetes. The absolute worst pregnancy symptom because you can't eat anything. I'm serious. It's all salads and protein and it sucks. Bad. And three: actually, I take back what I said about gestational diabetes being the worst pregnancy problem. It is actually vulvar veins (look it up) yeah, those. Never had them before, never had gestational diabetes before, so just when you think your done with your last pregnancy at 40, those two beauty's rear their heads. Not a great time, and pretty much every day I wake up, I hope it's the last day I'm gonna be pregnant, and yes, I have 5 weeks left.

I know. But I can't help myself. Maybe having the kids in school will help? I've gotten nothing done in the last three weeks. Here's to hoping having the kids in school actually allows me to get my crap together before this baby arrives. Please! I hope so!!!!

In the depths

So, this is a depressing post. Warning.

I'm kind of in the throws of depression right now. I'm hoping I bounce back sooner rather than later. I wouldn't say I've been clinically diagnosed, but it is pretty obvious when we wake up and am crying every morning by 8 a.m.

I'm having some serious tweenager frustrations. Namely, she doesn't really care about anyone but herself right now, and that is hard. Really hard. I need her to not be that way right now mainly because I don't have the patience to deal with it.

Isn't that a horrible reason? I am fighting my own battle every.single.day. I hate this feeling too, because I know it's just hormones and I know there is pretty much nothing I can do about it. I can see it, feel it, I know what is happening and I know why, and it makes me even more frustrated that I can't stop it or change it, and unfortunately no amounts of caffeine or chocolate seem to be a cure.

Luckily, Peter is being more patient than he has ever been regarding my status, but I seriously don't know if I can take three more months of this!! It seems to have snuck up on me mainly in this last trimester, and I'm not a fan.

I have never experienced post pardom depression, to my knowledge, mainly because I am so stinkin' happy that I have that baby out of my body!! Oh happy day!!!!

So here I sit. Sad.

It's annoying.

The Countdown, and other stuff

Just two more weeks until we open store #2. This is where the incessant hand clapping starts in my head, and I try to keep up with the marching, even when the beat gets to an unsustainable pace. Turns out, it's already backfired. Peter and I left to go to a Papa Murphy's convention on Monday. I worked and worked and worked to get the house ready for the in-laws to see after 6 months. It was a mild success. I still had things that I had left to do, that didn't get done. I had to let it go. On Saturday, two days before we left, I noticed some small eczema developing on my nose. It was a few bubbles, and that happens to me occasionally when the weather changes, although the weather isn't changing, I didn't think it was too suspect.

By Monday morning, the day we left, the bubbles were bigger, and festering. I found myself desperate to hide them from people I would be mingling with at the Convention. I brought some Hydrocortizone cream with me and that night, lathered it on, in hopes to stop the rampant spreading on my face. By morning, I had a boil. I popped it, in desperation before heading off to our meetings. I was careful to not to remove the skin, but just let some of the fluid out. That would turn out to be a colossal mistake. The sore got worse, and started to show signs of infection. By the time we left convention  I was definitely concerned, and planning on seeking  medical advice. Thursday morning, my eye was swollen, which lead me to a hasty Dr.'s appointment at the dermatologist. Their conclusion? MRSA. Just what EVERYONE wants to hear when they have a break neck work schedule for the next two weeks, including an event on Friday. I started stressing about how I was going to cover this event now looking like beating victim with a large sore on the side of my nose, and a swollen eye.

The next morning, after starting a heavy round of antibiotics, my sore had worsened, and I was in full panic mode. Already panicking and stressed over a possible MRSA diagnosis, and now trying to determine why I wasn't getting any better. I returned to the Dr.'s office first thing in the morning, and begged someone to see me immediately. They did. And now, that I had yet ANOTHER bubble forming on the tip of my nose, the dermatologist determined it might be SHINGLES, or SHINGLES AND MRSA. Of course, the culture that they took the day before would not be ready for 24-48 hours, and that would be, oh, SATURDAY. Of course. So, I get to worry all weekend long if I have MRSA, SHINGLES, OR BOTH.

They put me on an antiviral medication as well. With a cream for my nose, and told me to go to the Ophthalmologist to ensure permanent nerve damage wasn't being done to my eye. Awesome. That is ALWAYS news that you want to here. AND they told me to go to the ER if things didn't get better over the weekend. (Another great tidbit of news, don't cha think?)

Luckily, things are progressing, although I still have a quarter size sore on my nose that is practically black and disgusting. I have been taking all of my medications, which leave me feeling queezy, and having a low grade headache all day long, along with aches and pains like I am recovering from the flu. The stress I am feeling is absolutely un-measurable. But I figure I better document this kind of thing, because I am sure when I look back at this time in our lives, I will wonder if it REALLY happened, because it just seems completely UN-REAL. Seriously.

Nothingness

This is such a weird feeling. I have never had this feeling before. . . Nothing is going on.
We aren't going anywhere for summer vacation.
Peter is home. A LOT, because he just hired a manager for the store.
My kids are home, and don't have a ton of things to do.
I mean, I have signed them up for a few summer things, but, in all, it doesn't fee like much.
I am working, but it is definitely slower in the summer.
I watch other people's lives swirling around me.
And I am grateful.
That I am not packing a box,
or trying to find a place to live,
or making life changing decisions,
or having major upheaval,
or devastation,
or anything else.
I am SO grateful.
And although I am probably at my best when I have a little bit of stress,
I am grateful that there is no stress.
I am just plum happy about it.
I may finally have a normal life.
Like you all have had for many, many years.
Where you don't move,
and you don't pack boxes,
and you don't stress about where to live.
or what your husband is going to do for work,
and it feels FREAKING FANTASTIC.
And I can say that because it is my blog.
And I don't feel bad about it.
Not one bit.
I still look back on my life and wonder what on earth was happening,
and wonder how on earth I survived it.
And realize man! I DID SURVIVE IT!
And I now see other people, with their turn,
for whatever.
And I am here for you, for them.
If you need me.
Because I understand.
And I am grateful for that too.
Because that is what life is about.
Understanding.
Having compassion.
Loving.
Understanding.
I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.
Or if I will just continually be amazed that I made it to this point.
It feels good.
And I am grateful.

Turning Tides

The other day we were all in the car at 3 p.m. Peter and I were checking out locations for our next store, which will hopefully be opening in September. At the last minute we decided to go out to dinner. This is totally rare for us because a) it is expensive to take 6 people to dinner, and b) we have 4 kids, 10, autistic, 5 and crazy.

Peter decided we would take everyone to AN ACTUAL RESTAURANT. Again, something we don't do. We usually go to such establishments as Chick fil A, Wendy's, and Panda Express when we are in need of a quick dinner. Even visits to these places are rare, and only after we have already had pizza for the week.

We walked down the Mall corridor with our family, and I could hardly believe my eyes. They were all walking, talking, and acting like civilized creatures, and suddenly, I could hardly wait to see them all as adults, and siblings spending time together and relishing in family time.

We were seated and played a simple game of I spy while waiting for our food. A game which everyone LOVES. And I looked around, and could hardly believe my eyes. We were all in a restaurant. Everyone was behaving themselves (generally) and we were all enjoying our selves! I wasn't rushing a baby out, or trying to keep someone happy with a sugar packet, or changing a diaper, or trying to make a bottle with restaurant water, or yelling at anyone for getting under the table, or walking someone in a stroller while we were waiting for food. OR ANYTHING ELSE. I was just sitting there.... enjoying the moment. And it was indeed a magnificent moment.

I took  a picture with my heart, because it was sweet. I am loving watching these people grow and develop. It is exciting, and rewarding, and I just don't know what I would do without a single one of them.

Life is good.

Thanksgiving and more.

We had a quiet Thanksgiving this year. Although having your own business is very rewarding, and hopefully will create a fantastic autonomy for our family some day, right now, it is completely overwhelming and draining, not to mention a complete time suck. My husband has taken ONE day off in three weeks, and guess what, it was on Thanksgiving!

I wanted to make sure my kids were able to enjoy "the thanksgiving experience" eventhough we had no house guests, and didn't travel anywhere.

They seemed to enjoy the pomp and ceremony of it all, and didn't seem to mind that they were on their own all day. However, I missed the extra family, and the entertainment that friends or cousins bring. What can I say, I am a people person, and I got my degree in throwing a party, so, it was a smidge to quiet for me.

I love this happy face.

The bird was a masterpiece, and I LOVED pretending there were going to be tons of happy eaters. But yet, there were just 6.

This is what my kitchen looked like after the dinner was made. I AM sure it was worth it in eating the dinner. I am NOT sure it was worth it in the clean up. That is admittedly the best part of having Thanksgiving guests, they usually clean up the aftermath.

I have posted on this blog the complete gratitude that I have felt for the blessings we have been given. We have been given so many.

A beautiful house to live in,

a great business, that we love and are so excited about,

our beautiful kids, who, are healthy and happy,

two sets grandparents who are happy and healthy as well,

a wonderful new state to live in,

a wonderful new ward,

a wonderful husband who has put in about 8 and 1/2 weeks of work into three weeks (yes, I am talking about 16 hour days)

Our blessings are simple, but astounding, and although I don't wish the trials we went through on anyone, I am grateful for them for teaching us to appreciate the simple blessings, of employment, a home to call our own, direction in our future, and true happiness in all of it.

We are blessed.

Life is Changing

I think we are entering a new phase of life.

Kaylie is 2.

And potty trained (mostly)

Wade is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready for school it isn't even funny. We are BOTH jones'n for him to be in school full time.

Jaxon is coming home from school and doing all of his homework by himself (and mostly correct).

Abby has finally gotten on track with school after a VERY difficult adjustment from the move. But is excelling now, and showing more and more aptitude than ever.

The kids came home from school today, studied and we had dinner together. As my kids all sat around the table, I was filled with gratitude that I have them. They are adorable, and each have such unique personalities. Sure, there are crazy days when I want to pull my hair out, but right at that moment, that EXACT moment, I was having an idyllic life. Other than the fact my husband wasn't at dinner, and may not be at dinner for a very very long time.

Kids took showers, and were clean and happy and it was such a simple day. So simple.

Then Kaylie peed on the couch.

But still, it was idyllic for a minute.

It makes me want to never sign them up for another extra-curricular activity again. It is just too simple to not. All that running around, and scheduling. It is nice, to just be home, and enjoying each other.

And I am just so grateful for them, and I can see the season changing. I am getting to the "have older kids" stage of life, and I think it suits me. Yeah, it does. I guess baby days are a little more difficult than I would like to admit for me. But there are still times when I see those babies and I remember how fun they (WADE) was/are. But so. much. work.

I am grateful for this moment. And as frustrating as it was to have our life be in limbo for three years, I see some method to it now. I don't think I could have done this work schedule with a small baby. Or with a couple small babies. It is better now, and we are blessed.

I guess you can't always see your future, but someone else can. Best just to rely on Him.

Just my luck

I went on a great trip to San Francisco this weekend. It was to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday. I don't know what YOU think 70 looks like, but it looks way better than I thought it would!

My in-laws came to take care of my kids so that I could go. I love them so much. It was invaluable time that I got to spend with my sister-friends. Kinda like sister-wives, but not. Time that we get to spend together like this is irreplaceable. I am grateful to call them "friends" as well as sisters. I love them.

Since we don't all live in the same state, traveling together is pretty much the only chance we get to see each other on a personal level, and it is SO much more personal when you aren't juggling kids at the same time. I highly recommend it.

We spent almost all of our time SHOPPING. And EATING. Because that is what Stewart women do.

And hanging out with this guy, and Brigitte. (That is my sis, Hillary with her new bangs. Which has given her an alternative name of Brigitte or Gretchen... take your pick.)

We spent a LOT of time in shoe departments. And those of us who HAVE cash, dropped a load of it.

We walked past this square probably 30 times in three days.

It was just getting the finishing touches of Holiday flare.

Some people leave their heart there... We just left lots of great memories.

And lots of great restaurants.

I would say San Francisco is pretty much the perfect destination for such an event, and it was great to be there with my sister friends... and mom. HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY MOM! WE LOVE YOU!

The Crash

I walked into church today, tired, but okay.

I have gotten a horrible cold, probably due to stress and lack of sleep.

I was going in to church by myself (with the kids), and unless I am at the store, I don't really see Peter at all during the day.

He leaves at 8 a.m. and comes home at 11:30. Works for a few more hours on things he couldn't do during the day, and then does it all again the next day.

Hopefully THAT won't last forever.

I worked at the store on Friday, and Saturday night, so, I felt like I have seen him a bit, but I am sure the kids are wondering what has happened to him.

I felt fine at church, but as soon as the testimonies started, I started crying.

Like inconsolable crying.

I could not stop.

I think it was a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude.

As I looked around the room, I saw face after face after face of people who had been at the store over the weekend.

Even staff members, who had worked all weekend.

I felt overwhelmed by what had happened.

Making the decision to move was completely gut wrenching.

We did not want to move AGAIN.

We did not want to uproot the kids AGAIN.

We did not want to loose all the services and the school that Jaxon was at.

We did not want to uproot Abby, who tends to have the most difficult time with moving.

We did not want to "start over" again.

At the same time, our struggles in Arizona seemed never ending.

I never felt accepted.

And even though I liked Arizona, I never felt "at home."

I never found a niche.

Peter never found a stable work environment.

As much as we tried our best to make it work, it didn't.

And we felt COMPELLED to move.

There was nothing there that made us feel like we were anchored there.

But, it was confirmed to us over and over and over again that we were supposed to "be here".

As I looked around the room today, and realized how many faces I had seen at the store over the weekend, I felt the love.

The love from our ward family, our new environment, and our Heavenly Father.

He knew we would need support. In all sorts of ways, and he gave it to us.

In spades.

Not only did they just physically show up at our store, but they told friends, passed out coupons and continued to share our story with everyone they knew.

It was an amazing outpouring of love.

And as I sat there today, I had it confirmed to me once again, that we were in the right place.

I am overwhelmed by the love and support.

I am overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity.

And most importantly,

I am grateful.

Reflection

It was probably the biggest week of my life. In every way. It may have even topped the week I got married.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday of last week we trained our staff everyday and sweated bullets over inspections, and getting minor details completed as we drew closer to our "big day". Planning for VIP night is a complete ramp up of activity in every way. We had three or 4 people from Papa Murphy's corporate every day helping us "get ready".

Everyday I would walk into the store with a sense of aw. I couldn't believe it. I have walked into Papa Murphy's stores a million times. But it was never "ours". When I looked around, it seemed surreal. But it was, and I had the scares to prove it! (So to speak) I had left the store late on Sunday night. There was still a ton of work to be done. Signs that needed to be hung, pipes that needed to be laid, trim that needed to be put up. The list was not small, and I ended up convincing myself that if it didn't all get done, it would be "okay".

Monday morning I walked into the store to Christmas morning. It was all done. Our contractor walked passed me (we were lucky enough to find an LDS contractor who has done business here in Temecula for over 20 years) and I looked at our Papa Murphy's coordinator, and she said, "He stayed here all night." I knew it. I could tell by everything that was done, that was NOT done when I left at 8 p.m. on Sunday night.

I started to cry. Because I felt loved, by him, by Heavenly Father, by everyone who has loved and supported us through everything we have gone through for the past three years. My dreams, OUR dreams had been realized. And it was a miracle. He walked past me, and started to giggle at my mini break down, thinking it was just my stress said, "It's okay! Cry it out! It will make you feel better!" Little did he know it had more to do with his dedication, love, and support than anything else. He, an LDS BISHOP, had stayed all night, on a Sunday night to help us live out our dream. I will love him and his family for sacrificing him forever.

On Tuesday, we realized that there was nothing else we could do to open our store. The fire department had come to a halt with us and told us we could go no further. We came up with our "plan B" and decided to pass out pizzas to all the people who had slated to come that day out of our trailer in the parking lot. We handed out over 600 pizzas. People were kind, supportive, excited, and probably only 10% of the people there had ever even TRIED a Papa Murphy's pizza before. I was amazed by their willingness to 'step outside their comfort zone', but then again, it WAS a free pizza. My facebook page numbers doubled in a night, and when Peter and I went home that night, we were exhausted, but happy. We still had the hurdle of not being able to open ahead of us, but we weren't ready to give up yet. We had the hum of adrenaline still pumping in our veins. I didn't know how I was going to do it again, the next day, but I knew it wouldn't be quite as intense as the first day since our coupon had "technically" expired.

By the end of day two, on Wednesday, we knew we would not be opening permanently due to the issues with the building. We knew we would be losing several hundreds of dollars in produce, meat and cheese because of it, but we had to close the doors anyway. The hardest part is the phone ringing off the hook, and people coming to the door, looking like lost puppies, not knowing why we won't open the door. Peter had to go to the store for a couple hours yesterday to hand out paychecks to employees, and gave out over 20 coupons to people he had to turn away.

It is frustrating, but we still feel blessed. We know that when we will open our doors, people will be standing there, and we are excited about that. And grateful. The support we received from our ward, and surrounding members was astounding. Like nothing I have ever experienced in any other place I have lived. And that, in and of itself, is answer enough that "this is the right place."

ALMOST THERE. . .

Peter told me today that all the equipment for the store is being delivered tomorrow.

It is amazing to get to this point, after months and months, nearly a year, of planning.

To be honest, I don't know all the details of what arrives when etc,

because if I wanted to know, I would have to pester my husband all the time, and I just have no desire to do that.

Both of us worked all week last week.

And it was insane.

I am sure it is even going to be more crazy.

But as crazy as it is,

It is also crazy rewarding.

Sometimes I can't believe what we are doing.

Sometimes it feels like we have hit the jackpot of being able to do what we have always dreamed of doing.

And yes, we have wanted to do Papa Murphy's pizza for a very, very long time.

I know it is definitely not everyone's dream.

But it was ours.

I find myself doing weird things right now,

like trying to find someone to watch my kids for three days so I can go to training.

I can hardly believe it is happening.

I am grateful.

I am excited.

I am worried, but not in a bad way.

In a can I handle this? Sort of way.

In a, can my kids handle this? Sort of way.

In a, what will our "new" life be like? Sort of way.

In all the ways that you can't really predict?

Will it give us more control of our free time?

Will it give us less free time and drive us nuts?

Will our staff be good?

Will they care as much as we do?

Will people come to the store?

I have no doubt they will like the pizza.

But will they come?

My mind rolls around with a million questions, that I am just about going to get the answer to.

It is like climbing a summit, and looking down the mountain that you just climbed.

My heart is full of happiness for what we accomplished, and a little trepidation about climbing down.

I hope your prayers will be with us.

Cuz, we're gonna need them.

I won a CAMERA, (Not a paid advertisement, just in love)

I went to a Dancing With the Stars taping, and won a camera. Here is how it went down. We asked a guy who had been trolling the line talking to people to take our picture. He said, "Why don't you give me your camera, and I will give you this!" I said, "NO!" Thinking he was going to run off with my phone. Mechelle, (with the black shirt on) said, "OKAY" rather excitedly... She took the pic with his camera, and then he proceeded to tell her he was going to GIVE IT TO HER!

Here is me, green with envy. I just turned down a new camera.

We all stood there while she filled out paper work, they took her picture, took a video blah, blah, blah. We were all jealous.

She asked a few times if her friend could have a new camera too, and they just kind of laughed and smiled, (She wasn't even talking about me!) Then, right before they were going to walk away, they all turned back to us, and said they would give us ALL a FREE CAMERA! I love Hollywood... It is called the PEN READY project, and I was happy to oblige..

I took my new camera to the beach on Friday, and fell in love.

With crystal clear shots,

Fun settings... I think this one is called "Dramatic"

This is a regular shot of Kaylie sitting in our beach chairs,

This is a setting called "pop-art" It really brings out the colors, huh?

This is called "Grainy" I love the pieces of sand in her teeth.

Regular Shots

I love that I don't even need photoshop because it is all in my camera that way, and I love rapid fire so that I can capture everyone looking, because we all know there is only one second to capture that! I am loving it! And can't wait to take more pictures!

It has finally hit me. . .

For years I have looked at other women, and thought... wow.

They have a LOT to do.

Why are they so busy?

They must over schedule their kids (yes, I judge sometimes... you do too.)

Why doesn't any one have time?

Why are they so harried?

What do they have going on in their lives that I don't?

Well my friends.

After 11 1/2 years of marriage,

and 10 moves,

and 4 children.

I have finally discovered what it is that makes you all so busy.

LIFE.

Today went as such:

Wake Up: 6:30

Walk for 30 mins

Make breakfast: 7:00

Eat breakfast and feed for kids 7:30

Read Scriptures: 8:00

Send kids to school: 8:20

Finish work out: 8:30

Do laundry 9:00 (On going)

Go to Lowes to pick up plants 9-10

Take home plants, get them out of car, do other various things in the garage along with field 3-4 phone calls. 10-11

Talk to landscaper 11:00-11:15

Take Wade to Preschool 11:15 (anyone notice I have yet to take a shower??? ???????? I HAVE!!!!!!!)

Drop off Wade 11:30

Go to Target: 11:45-12:30

Get home and shove a sandwich that my sweet husband made 12:45-1:00.

Respond to more phone calls/e-mails 1:00-1:15

TAKE A SHOWER>...FINALLY! 1:15-1:30

Make a mad dash to pick up Wade: 1:45

Go to Grocery store for Dinner for missionaries that they JUST called to remind me about 2:00-2:35.

Unload groceries and load dishes in dishwasher 2:35-2:50

Go to Scouts (NEW CALLING) 2:50-4:15

Come home and make dinner for Missionaries 4:15-5:00

Make Brownies for missionaries while they are standing in your kitchen and completely forget the sugar in the brownies. 5:10.

Clean up Dinner 6:00

Find pump and needle for basketball pump up: 6:45.

Decide you need to go to yet ANOTHER store 7:00 p.m.

Get home at 8:30

Field more phone calls 8:30-9:00.

Apologize to people for having it take you 4 hours to call them back.

Make a to do list for tomorrow 9:15.

Do something mindless for 45 minutes and decide to write a blog post about how you finally get what those "busy" people were doing all that time.

I get it.

Boxing Out

The other night, I had a dream. It was about boxes... I was frantically searching around for boxes before a big move.

Story of my life right?

I was frantic, and wasn't sure I was going to be able to find enough boxes. I was searching high and low and I am pretty sure I broke into a sweat. . . in my sleep.

I woke up and thought, woah. THAT was a crazy dream.

I am purging boxes out of my house like nobody's business right now. I am tossing them out on the curb, and I hope to NEVER see them again.

I have a little confession, with living in rentals for the last three years, one knows they are going to be moving. Sometime, in the near future.

I kept boxes.

I never unpacked boxes.

I have things in my bedroom currently that I haven't seen for at least two years!

I folded up boxes and lined the walls of my garage with them.

I hid them in my food pantry,

my closets

and my basement.

I hoarded boxes.

And now. . .

I AM GETTING RID OF THEM!!!!!

Almost done.

Free Bird

Well, hello blog.

I have missed you.

Well, missed is the wrong word.

I have neglected you?

Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Blogging, for a long time, was my only method of processing a difficult time in my life.

Guess what.

Things aren't difficult right now.

As a matter of fact, they are amazing.

And I feel like a free bird.

I knew that eventually we would rise up.

But, three years was going on a long time.

It's not like all of our challenges are over.

We still have LOTS of challenges ahead.

But they seem to be more of a "fun" kind of challenge.

Possible?

Yes.

I feel like I have been a bird, stuffed in a cage, with clipped wings.

My captor grew lazy, and forgot to keep clipping my wings.

And accidentally left the door open for too long one day.

I escaped.

I left my prison.

And, it is absolutely the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I don't ever want to forget it.

I don't ever want to forget what we went through.

Sometimes, I can't believe we made it.

Most of the time, actually.

But we did.

And we are being rewarded beyond our wildest dreams.

It makes me think about this life's end.

Where we will probably stand, completely worn, exhausted, defeated and discouraged.

We will be uncertain if the sacrifice we made was enough. We will be tattered, and torn.

Then, we will be "taken in" and "lifted up" and we will feel His redeeming love, and we will forget the hardship we have been through, because now we have tasted of the good.

And it will be like nothing else we have ever experienced.

And it will be indescribable.

And it will be better than anything that we could have ever imagined.

And we will be home.



I have had a glimmer of what it will be like.

My Heart Beats Faster Every Day. .

YOU GUYS.

Can you believe that this has been the LONGEST I have ever lived in ONE HOUSE???? Two years. That is my record, ridiculous.

I promise to stay in my next house longer than two years. . .
Who knows, I may be in it for 20.

What I am saying is, I think I am well on my way to living a more stable life, but hey, what does stable mean anyway?

I am overwhelmed by exactly HOW MUCH PLANNING has gone into this move. Not only did we get a house. . (after 3 failed attempts). . . but we are opening a store, doing training. . (like ME. I went to training for a week!) my kids are out of school, I have to coordinate moving, and picking up households, and dropping off households, and getting keys to households, and all of the utilities to boot. I have driven 48 hours straight in two days, and have just 7 more until I need to be completely packed up. Not to mention by husband is at work every day from 10:30-8:30 PM! I am doing Dr. Apts, and shopping for school stuff, arguing with my landlord that is ripping me off (UNITED METRO PROPERTIES!!!!) Scheduling landscapers, and cleaners, and oh my gosh, the list never ends. My phone rings 20 times in a day.

And I am a FIRM believer that an out of state move is way more extensive than an in-state one because you have to have EVERY LIVING THING packed before you move. . . You can't cheat, and come back for one or two car loads.

I hear myself telling Abby (after I have been short with her) that the stress that is on me is unimaginable to her. . . and she indeed looks at me with a blank stare. I hope some day she will read this and realize that really, I had every reason to be a strung out mess. But, I am usually able to rebound and keep my cool. . . USUALLY.

It is blazing hot outside, my kids have nothing to do, and soon, nothing to play with and NO ONE to play with as school starts on Monday. . .

THE GOOD NEWS IS.

We have a move date.

It is solid (as of today. . what a relief)

I have a place to live (as long as nothing goes wrong)

I have arranged to have it cleaned (it was bank-owned) before we get in.

So, I think I am good.

I have begged for some help, and I have gotten some. And I sooooooooooooo appreciate that. To those of you who have come a HUGE, HEARTFELT, THANK YOU!!! It means the world to me, and I want you to know that.

I feel prepared.

As prepared as I CAN feel.

When chaos is about to ensue.

Most of my house is packed,

and the RS is coming on Tuesday to finish.

And you know what? If I don't have another thing to make food on between Tuesday and Friday until I actually move, I am not going to care one single bit, because it will be DONE. And THAT will be a relief.

Sweet, sweet relief.

Can't wait.

Can't wait.

CAN'T WAIT!

When you know.

I was driving to California, and every second I got closer, it felt like I was driving home.

I am not quite sure how to explain it.

Even months ago when my husband and I were looking for houses.

We had to make a quick stop at Walmart, and as we were leaving, we felt like we should be driving back to our house.

The house we didn't have yet.

When we got the house, I hadn't even seen it yet.

The offer was accepted, and it was our 4th offer on our 4th house.

As soon as we had honed in on a neighborhood, Peter was relentless.

We weren't going to live anyplace else.

I checked real estate websites for months. Every day.

I saw houses come, I saw houses go.

But I felt peace.

We lost out on house one. I felt peace.

We lost out on house two. The WISTERIA house.

I felt peace. It wasn't perfect.

We lost out on house three. I started to be concerned, because time was getting short, but, still. . .it didn't turn to stress.

We put in a bid on house 4, it wasn't perfect, but it was in the neighborhood.

I was worried about the color, the size of the kitchen, the fact that there was no pantry, the layout, the fact that it didn't have a back yard, but. . .

I still felt fine about it.

We got it.

I felt peace.

Not excitement yet. But peace.

I drove 6 hours to go to the home inspection. This was going to be my only chance to see the house before we moved into it in a little over a month.

I pulled up.

It was a better color than I thought (It looks kinda pink in the pictures)

It had a better layout than I thought.

The tiles and carpet were all really nice! (House #3 had Forrest green carpet. . . so glad we lost out on THAT one)

The kitchen was big. . enough.

(The no pantry is still hurting, but I think I might convert a closet)

We have a lot of painting to do, but there were no crazy paint colors! (VERY common these days)

With each room, my excitement grew, and I knew. This. Was. Home.

If you have ever gone from owning homes, to renting one. You know.

How nice it is to finally call another space home.

I am so grateful.

It is perfect. For us.

It is big enough, for us.

It is close enough to the stores, for us.

It is wonderful to us.

I cannot wait another second to go HOME.

I am not sure how I can call a house that I have never lived in, in a town I have never lived, home. But I can.

And I am sure.

And it feels amazing.

I wasn't sure this day would come.

But it did.

VOTE FOR MY HOUSE!

VOTE HERE! _------------------------------------------------------------>

Okay, in reality, you aren't going to pick my house, but this has really become a difficult decision! I think I know which way I am leaning, but, any help would be appreciated. :) In reality, there will be lots of prayer and thought that goes into this and many other things we have to think about. Anyway, It would be nice to have some help! So. . . HELP! Haven't you always wanted to pick a house where it has virtually NO impact on you? :)

You can click on the name of the house to see pictures and the actual listing.

Dodaro House:

Cons:

Smaller Square feet

On the corner and entrance of the neighborhood.

Only thing in the yard is the pool. No other space.

7.7 miles away from work. 15-25 mins depending on Traffic.

Pros:

Pool

Good Schools

Golden Mist House

Pros:

Large Yard

Large Square Footage

Shutters on all windows

Nice Neighborhood

Good Schools

Out of Town/Closer (by 10-15 mins to beaches)

Cul de sac

Cons:

Out of Town/ 8.7 Miles away from work

No Pool or HOA with a Pool.

Desert Willows House:

Pros:

Big house

Nicest upgrades

Nice Neighborhood

Cons:

Schools aren't quite as good as others

No pool, or association pool.

Needs work. Paint, Door, new carpeting in some areas.

Futher Away. 9.7 miles.
Wisteria Lane House:

Pros:

1.7 miles from work!!!!!

Association Pool

Cul De Sac

Name of the address! DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE!

Good Schools

Cons:

Smallest House

No Pool in the backyard, but nice back yard

Not as much storage space.

Closer to work, but much more traffic to fight to get anywhere, in a busy part of town.
With all of the great opinons, I decided to give everyone a real opportunity to see the options!

38 and counting

Age.

It is just a number.

Right?

The sad thing is, I remember my father's "Over the Hill" party. Ohhh. . he was so old. RIGHT?

Just a few short years away.

38 is definitely NOT what I thought it would be.

I don't feel a day older than say, 28, in my mind.

Here is to hoping my mind stays young.

Because I KNOW there is no hope for my body. . . with gravity and all.

2011 and 38 are going to be a BIG BIG year for this family.

BIG.

I will tell you why soon.

But, right now, my only intention is to CELEBRATE.

My Uniform

I have a uniform.

I wear a v-neck t-shirt,

and a pair of sweatpants.

I tried to take a picture for you,

but it wasn't flattering. (Hard to imagine WHY, huh?)

So, I didn't post it.

The outfit is NOT meant to impress.

But, I wear it almost every day.

Many people have seen my in my "uniform".

The ladies I car pool with,

my visiting teachers,

any repair man.

I really don't care.

I mean, I REALLY don't care.

I am comfortable.

And almost no one can sees me in it.

Except for the people I mentioned before.

Sometimes I don't shower. . .

until 3 in the afternoon,

when I have to go somewhere.

I read Cjane.

She wears Mumus.

She is proud of her Mu-mus.

In her vlog today, she and her sister are wearing mu-mus.

They look comfy.

But I am not sure I can pull it off.

She said they get them at Dillards.

I searched for "mu-mus" on Dillards website.

Guess what,

They aren't called mu-mus anymore. They are called Patio Dresses.

I think I like that term more.

So much more, I think I want a patio dress.

Do you want to see me in a patio dress?

Or in my uniform?

Let me know.

Here are some patio dress options.

I think I am in love.

I think I would have to go with a longer mu-mu because I am so tall. I think the short one would be a disaster.

Which mu-mu do you like?

If I get enough comments on this post, I will buy the preferred mu-mu and post a picture of me in it on my blog.

I will decide what is enough comments.

As a side note, I feel sorry for the patio dress model. I am sure when she got to work that day she thought, "and what about me says, patio dress exactly?". . .