So, this is a depressing post. Warning.
I'm kind of in the throws of depression right now. I'm hoping I bounce back sooner rather than later. I wouldn't say I've been clinically diagnosed, but it is pretty obvious when we wake up and am crying every morning by 8 a.m.
I'm having some serious tweenager frustrations. Namely, she doesn't really care about anyone but herself right now, and that is hard. Really hard. I need her to not be that way right now mainly because I don't have the patience to deal with it.
Isn't that a horrible reason? I am fighting my own battle every.single.day. I hate this feeling too, because I know it's just hormones and I know there is pretty much nothing I can do about it. I can see it, feel it, I know what is happening and I know why, and it makes me even more frustrated that I can't stop it or change it, and unfortunately no amounts of caffeine or chocolate seem to be a cure.
Luckily, Peter is being more patient than he has ever been regarding my status, but I seriously don't know if I can take three more months of this!! It seems to have snuck up on me mainly in this last trimester, and I'm not a fan.
I have never experienced post pardom depression, to my knowledge, mainly because I am so stinkin' happy that I have that baby out of my body!! Oh happy day!!!!
So here I sit. Sad.
It's annoying.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The School Year is Ending (and I am so grateful)
Life is demanding for sure. With 4 kids in the mix, it is no wonder that I am exhausted most of the time. Being pregnant at 40 is about what I expected it to be. Except for a couple of bad side effects. 1) No "getting your energy back" in the second tri-mester. Boo. Very sad to find that out. I am sure that it has NOTHING to do with my work/home schedule. NOTHING. And 2) which I found out recently, my morning sickness has COME BACK. YES COME BACK. I had no idea that could even happen, and I find it very disconcerting to say the least. Who isn't over joyed when you finally stop feeling nauseous about week 14? Who isn't elated??? NO ONE. That is why I found the re-occurrence of this nuisance particularly upsetting. As a particularly yucky side effect. Most of my pregnancies have been relatively easy, but I am finding this to definitely be my hardest because I am exhausted most of the time, and now I have to add back to that, nausea. I cried in my living room for a good 20 minutes over both facts today. I have to hand it to Peter, now, on my 5th pregnancy, he doesn't look at me like I am completely insane for crying for what may be no reason. Today, he just sat in the living room with me until it looked like I might be done.
Since I don't have much good to say about pregnancy, let's go to the kids. Shall we?
Abigail: Age 11 (soon to be 12) 6th Grade at Temecula Preparatory School.
Abigail is still sorting her way through life. She's starting to see more ups and downs of teenage hood come along. Although, I would say she generally meets them with not too many issues. She helps out (for the most part) but still detests cleaning or being organized. Something i'm sure I will have to work with her for the rest of her time here in my home. I apologize in advance to her future roommates, and husband. May they be patient and not be neat freaks.
TPS has been a complete Godsend for Abby. It has forced her (as much as it can) to be a responsible student (YAY!) I am super scared about next year and her ability to juggle 7 classes. Hopefully she will make the transition with ease. She spent the first two semesters at TPS on the honor roll, but has dropped off the last two semesters. It's GRAMMAR that has stumped the poor kid, and it's stumped me too. I have to admit, I don't remember doing very well with sentence diagramming, but she never brings home any homework or assignments, and therefore, its tough to help her get on top of it!!!!
She is in swimming and I wouldn't say she LOVES it, but she does it. She is still taking piano, and over-all, keeps a pretty tight schedule just with those activities. The work load at TPS is a lot, but I am still grateful she is there and is learning the importance of education and doing well in school. She excels at History, and Geography and Reading. She definitely has her strong suits. Right now, she is at Astro Camp with her school and couldn't WAIT to get there. Seriously, going away for a few days is all she could think about. This girl is going to hop the nest as soon as humanly possible, I am sure. After school, we are having a little party for her (I hope it's little, she's invited her class, and I'm scared about how many people are going to show up. Really scared, my hope is for no more than 20) She then gets to go to girls camp, which is so up her alley it's not even FUNNY. And then, as a surprise, she is going on a Disney Cruise with her grandparents. She has no idea, and she is going to be THRILLED!!! If I can manage, we are going to Spokane for the 4th of July, and Utah for the 24th, and honestly, I just hope I live through the summer. That is all.
Jaxon: Age 9 (soon to be 10) 3rd Grade at Alamos Elementary.
Jaxon's status seems like it will never change. He LOVES to draw cartoons, make up cartoon stories, and watch cartoons. Basically, and no, i'm not kidding, he is one big CARTOON. Just now, when we were working on scouts and I asked him a question about Great Americans, he paced around like Charlie Brown explaining the Declaration of Independence. Well, at least SOME cartoons do some good. He seems to be doing okay in school and is in mainstream classes a couple subjects a day. He gets lots of support for writing and spelling, and this year is a much better fit with his teacher, and I am SO grateful for her. She has made a big difference for him.
He is also taking Piano, and says he hates it, but I don't care. None of my kids are dropping out, because I am stillmad sad my mom didn't make me keep taking piano. End of story. Some day he will thank me, I just know it. He is in basketball, and I think he likes it, but he definitely has struggles regarding his abilities. It is hard to watch. Sometimes painful. My prayer is that someday he will "grow out of" some of his truly autistic traits, but until then, you just have to love him. Even after he unloaded dirty dishes into my cupboards for the hundredth time today. You still just have to love him. We are feverishly working on Scouts right now, because with his disability, I am BASICALLY getting is awards with him. Lots of hand holding is involved, and during the school year, I just don't have time to do that, so we are busting it out now. Hope we get it done! :)
Wade Age 6 Kindergarten at TPS.
Wade hugs me without being asked, tells me how much he loves learning in school, and loves to be smart. Not to mention, he actually IS very smart. Reads like a whip and is doing difficult math work. Does that tell you enough? He is also diplomatic, charismatic, and overall likable kid. He also, just by fun facts, likes to tell me that he doesn't like it when my hair is up, and likes my hair down and curly. Yes, his is going to be one of those guys who has a say in how his woman wears her hair. Much to my dismay.
I am grateful that my children are not all the same, because that would be boring. I may be a better mother if I didn't have to deal with so many differences, but having a child like Wade makes me so grateful because I can truly appreciate those differences. NOW, (this is for my mother) Wade may be my EASIEST child, which makes him my favorite by default, which I think is TOTALLY fair. HOWEVER, this child is NOT by any means perfect. He can be stubborn, also hates to clean/pick up, and is way too enamored with video games. There mom. He is not perfect, and I never said he was, AND he gets into trouble just like everyone else.
He is also in baseball, and for some reason, there is nothing I love more than to watch that kid play baseball. He genuinely loves it, but he loves all sports, and enjoys every second of them. It is fun to watch him play because he has a natural love and aptitude for all sports. We are even giving tennis a shot this summer because he talks about how he wants to play tennis all the time.
Kaylie Age 4 Preschool at Miss Michelle's.
This girl is everyone's favorite drunk. The thing Peter and I say to her most is, "Kaylie, you are talking TOO LOUD!!!" Everything is max volume to her and there is no stopping her. She is boisterous loud, and even too aggressive. However, she is actually pretty darn hilarious and knows how and when to make people laugh. She's got great comedic timing. She loves being girly. LOVES her new room, (finally out of a crib at 4 years old) and is going to have to share a room with our new family member. Hope she doesn't mind!!! She loves Barbie Videos, and my little ponies, and can play with them endlessly. It reminds me of the hours I would play with Barbies, creating stories, and working them out in my head. She does this with Pony's and I love watching her do it.
We have had problems as of late with her aggressive personality. One of which includes someone berating me the other day at Wade's baseball game because my daughter beat up her daughter. Yes, she was speaking of our 4 year old Kaylie, and her 8 year old daughter... Yes, my 4 year old beat up her eight year old. I think she wanted to press charges on our 4 year old. I'm glad she didn't. When I asked her why her daughter didn't defend herself, she had no answer. It was a bizarre moment, and unfortunately, one that I hope to never endure again, but probably will.
Our only hope is that someday we can channel it into sports? Luckily, she loves sports and loves to play anything that her siblings are playing. My biggest challenges are keeping her busy. Luckily, we have preschool twice a week, and 1/2 day daycare twice a week. One of those days, her favorite bestie Daniella) is also there and she counts down the seconds until she can go to Miss Sarah's to see Daniella. Unfortunately, Daniella is going to Kindergarten next year. Nooooooooooooooo! And Kaylie still has another year of preschool. Ack. Oh well, hopefully we will find a new bestie to play with.
Just a glimpse into my life currently. Thought I should document how it "was" before this baby hits the scene. . .
Since I don't have much good to say about pregnancy, let's go to the kids. Shall we?
Abigail: Age 11 (soon to be 12) 6th Grade at Temecula Preparatory School.
Abigail is still sorting her way through life. She's starting to see more ups and downs of teenage hood come along. Although, I would say she generally meets them with not too many issues. She helps out (for the most part) but still detests cleaning or being organized. Something i'm sure I will have to work with her for the rest of her time here in my home. I apologize in advance to her future roommates, and husband. May they be patient and not be neat freaks.
TPS has been a complete Godsend for Abby. It has forced her (as much as it can) to be a responsible student (YAY!) I am super scared about next year and her ability to juggle 7 classes. Hopefully she will make the transition with ease. She spent the first two semesters at TPS on the honor roll, but has dropped off the last two semesters. It's GRAMMAR that has stumped the poor kid, and it's stumped me too. I have to admit, I don't remember doing very well with sentence diagramming, but she never brings home any homework or assignments, and therefore, its tough to help her get on top of it!!!!
She is in swimming and I wouldn't say she LOVES it, but she does it. She is still taking piano, and over-all, keeps a pretty tight schedule just with those activities. The work load at TPS is a lot, but I am still grateful she is there and is learning the importance of education and doing well in school. She excels at History, and Geography and Reading. She definitely has her strong suits. Right now, she is at Astro Camp with her school and couldn't WAIT to get there. Seriously, going away for a few days is all she could think about. This girl is going to hop the nest as soon as humanly possible, I am sure. After school, we are having a little party for her (I hope it's little, she's invited her class, and I'm scared about how many people are going to show up. Really scared, my hope is for no more than 20) She then gets to go to girls camp, which is so up her alley it's not even FUNNY. And then, as a surprise, she is going on a Disney Cruise with her grandparents. She has no idea, and she is going to be THRILLED!!! If I can manage, we are going to Spokane for the 4th of July, and Utah for the 24th, and honestly, I just hope I live through the summer. That is all.
Jaxon: Age 9 (soon to be 10) 3rd Grade at Alamos Elementary.
Jaxon's status seems like it will never change. He LOVES to draw cartoons, make up cartoon stories, and watch cartoons. Basically, and no, i'm not kidding, he is one big CARTOON. Just now, when we were working on scouts and I asked him a question about Great Americans, he paced around like Charlie Brown explaining the Declaration of Independence. Well, at least SOME cartoons do some good. He seems to be doing okay in school and is in mainstream classes a couple subjects a day. He gets lots of support for writing and spelling, and this year is a much better fit with his teacher, and I am SO grateful for her. She has made a big difference for him.
He is also taking Piano, and says he hates it, but I don't care. None of my kids are dropping out, because I am still
Wade Age 6 Kindergarten at TPS.
Wade hugs me without being asked, tells me how much he loves learning in school, and loves to be smart. Not to mention, he actually IS very smart. Reads like a whip and is doing difficult math work. Does that tell you enough? He is also diplomatic, charismatic, and overall likable kid. He also, just by fun facts, likes to tell me that he doesn't like it when my hair is up, and likes my hair down and curly. Yes, his is going to be one of those guys who has a say in how his woman wears her hair. Much to my dismay.
I am grateful that my children are not all the same, because that would be boring. I may be a better mother if I didn't have to deal with so many differences, but having a child like Wade makes me so grateful because I can truly appreciate those differences. NOW, (this is for my mother) Wade may be my EASIEST child, which makes him my favorite by default, which I think is TOTALLY fair. HOWEVER, this child is NOT by any means perfect. He can be stubborn, also hates to clean/pick up, and is way too enamored with video games. There mom. He is not perfect, and I never said he was, AND he gets into trouble just like everyone else.
He is also in baseball, and for some reason, there is nothing I love more than to watch that kid play baseball. He genuinely loves it, but he loves all sports, and enjoys every second of them. It is fun to watch him play because he has a natural love and aptitude for all sports. We are even giving tennis a shot this summer because he talks about how he wants to play tennis all the time.
Kaylie Age 4 Preschool at Miss Michelle's.
This girl is everyone's favorite drunk. The thing Peter and I say to her most is, "Kaylie, you are talking TOO LOUD!!!" Everything is max volume to her and there is no stopping her. She is boisterous loud, and even too aggressive. However, she is actually pretty darn hilarious and knows how and when to make people laugh. She's got great comedic timing. She loves being girly. LOVES her new room, (finally out of a crib at 4 years old) and is going to have to share a room with our new family member. Hope she doesn't mind!!! She loves Barbie Videos, and my little ponies, and can play with them endlessly. It reminds me of the hours I would play with Barbies, creating stories, and working them out in my head. She does this with Pony's and I love watching her do it.
We have had problems as of late with her aggressive personality. One of which includes someone berating me the other day at Wade's baseball game because my daughter beat up her daughter. Yes, she was speaking of our 4 year old Kaylie, and her 8 year old daughter... Yes, my 4 year old beat up her eight year old. I think she wanted to press charges on our 4 year old. I'm glad she didn't. When I asked her why her daughter didn't defend herself, she had no answer. It was a bizarre moment, and unfortunately, one that I hope to never endure again, but probably will.
Our only hope is that someday we can channel it into sports? Luckily, she loves sports and loves to play anything that her siblings are playing. My biggest challenges are keeping her busy. Luckily, we have preschool twice a week, and 1/2 day daycare twice a week. One of those days, her favorite bestie Daniella) is also there and she counts down the seconds until she can go to Miss Sarah's to see Daniella. Unfortunately, Daniella is going to Kindergarten next year. Nooooooooooooooo! And Kaylie still has another year of preschool. Ack. Oh well, hopefully we will find a new bestie to play with.
Just a glimpse into my life currently. Thought I should document how it "was" before this baby hits the scene. . .
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