I'm really gonna eat my words.

Charlie brings me to tears, often. I had the craziest day. I planned a cooking day with my friend to make freezer meals. We cooked from 9:30-1 pm and didn't even finish our four meals. Charlie slept on the counter top in his car seat from 9 until 12 when I fed him, and changed him. 

Then I threw him back in his car seat and drove to the biggest trailer event we have ever had. It was an utter disaster! We did 130 pizzas out of the trailer, tons of specialty orders, and I would be surprised if 75% of the people got the right pizza. It was completely nuts, Peter was out of his head stressed, I was trying to make tons of people happy and Charlie slept in my car until 3:30 (no babies were harmed in this story. The windows were down, and it was not a hot day) I nursed him at the event, went home, cleaned the insane cooking day mess. (While Charlie was can changed and cared for by abby. Man, that's so nice) He cried during his diaper change and then was just happy as a calm.  I nursed him again because I hadn't really done a great job at the event... I threw him in his car seat and went to dinner with Peter. (We decided we deserved it, AND we didn't want to deal with a kid dinner time... We were both exhausted. We had abby make Mac and cheese at home for the kids)   He slept through dinner and I realized the kids had piano recitals tonight! We raced home, I started to nurse him again because I was going to take the kids to piano, and Peter decided to take them instead. I slowed down and tried to give Charlie a normal evening out of his car seat. I turned on the bath (keep in mind, he's cried a total of three times all day for a grand total of 15 seconds) he watched the water with a little calm smile on his face... He let me bathe him, and didn't even fuss. I carried him upstairs to dress him. He layed on my bed perfectly quiet while I rubbed lotion on him, and talked to him. And I just started to cry. 

First of all, he's a miracle. The fact that I got through this day with him at my side all day is amazing. He never gets upset, and if on the rare occasion he does, he immediately stops if you pick him up. Even if he has a messy diaper. He layed on my bed for about 30 minutes while I helped the

younger kids clean the playroom (it was destroyed during cooking time) and when I walked back into my room, he was quietly laying there looking around. It's as if he never worries or fears. His presence is that of peace, and I don't know about your kids, but I've never seen anything like it from a newborn. 

At times I worry that maybe he is to calm. Like, maybe he is not thriving. I worry about him being so calm he's going to die of SIDS. (Yes, I'm displaying irrational thoughts and/or behaviors) Honestly, he's just so special I'm looking for a reason. And I guess the reason is just that we had him. 

I am so blessed. I want to remember days like this, where I thought I was the luckiest mom in the world...

I guess it's to be expected

I don't so much feel the need to post pictures here because they are all over social media! But I do need to post the feelings that I have had since our baby was born. I guess it is as would be expected. Because after years and 9 months of dreading this baby, it is finally over, and he is here. Most of me expected that he would be just a dreaded after he came out. But I was wrong. So very very very wrong. He is sweet, and patient, and an excellent nurser, and he's calm and lets anyone hold him and I am blessed beyond measure. Now, I know he is only 6 days old, but I feel the blessing of having him in our home already, and to think I doubted for a minute his presence is ridiculous!

 I am in love, and he is wonderful. I was scared the first few days. Overwhelmed and even a bit blue. Being locked in what feels like a cage (hospital) away from family and friends for a few days will do that to you! The hospital didn't have a nursery either, so, it wasn't like I could go on vacation for a few hours a day. Or at night even, so coming home to the people who make it so made me happier than ever. It is crazy, and it will take some adjusting to, but I am grateful, and so so so happy, and every time I look into his face, I feel blessed.

Can you imagine? What a blessing. Part of me even feels a titch guilty I dreaded him so much. (But not really) because it was hard! It was asking a lot of our family, and of me! But I can see it now. He is here with purpose and I can feel it. That heavens for blessings, and for diligent husbands, because without Peter's sure knowledge of Charlie's presence in our home, he most certainly would not have come to be.

So, so, blessed.

Let's talk in a week shall we?