Friday, November 20, 2009

Still in my pajamas

It is 4:39 p.m. and I am still in my pajamas. I went to bed at 2:30 a.m. and Kaylie woke up at 5:00. Gotta love that girl. LOVE IT!

We have lived in this house for nearly 6 months and the most I have done since moving in was decorate my kitchen. The only reason I decorated it is because Abby was having a birthday party. (And I needed more room than having boxes all over the floor could provide) I LIVE in my kitchen. My laptop even resides in my kitchen now. I used to reside on my bed when I was pregnant, but since then has gotten quirky about me moving it about. (husband said it is not for bed use. To that I say, whatevs) I figure, if the kitchen is the only room I see all day, why should I do any other room???

I was on strike. How could I possibly unpack another box or decorate another room after moving 9 times in 9 years. The answer was, I couldn't. I couldn't do it anymore. I was worn out. Not necessarily because of moving, but because the strain of the last year was so overwhelming. . . moving again was the the culmination of a gigantic ugly year. A GIGANTIC UGLY YEAR.

I didn't want to deal with the after math of THAT. Everyone has their limits. I finally met mine. I consider myself tough. REAL TOUGH. But I met it. (hello wall, nice to meet you!) I am sure everyone in their life at some time meets it.

My thought is: if I don't unpack. I won't have to RE-pack in a year... (not saying we will move in a year, not saying we won't, it just seems to be the pattern).

I protested for these last 6 months. We didn't have many people over, so, it didn't matter. As a matter of fact, I used to entertain people several times a month in our house in WA. It was built that way... for entertaining, and I loved it. I love to entertain! I think the events of the year were just so overwhelming I lost the desire to entertain. Plus... anyone else could do it, so, why put the additional strain on myself.

I lost a bit of myself in not entertaining. I love to. I love to feed people. I love to welcome them over. I love to enjoy other people's company. But I just lost that love.

It was sad.

I lost a part of me.

But my husband is a smart man. A very smart man. VERY VERY smart man. You see, normally, I am the "coordinator" i.e. We are having so and so over for dinner, so, like it k honey? (he is a fan) But for almost 1 1/2 years since we lived here, I just haven't done it. Suddenly, he started lining up dinner dates... AT OUR HOUSE. One person one week... another person next week.. oh, and this person a few weeks from now.. I was willing. It felt kinda good to have "entertaining Lindsey" back.

But there was a problem.

My house.

And the boxes all over my house.

It is kinda weird.

To have boxes all over

and to have lived here for plenty of time to get those boxes unpacked.

RIGHT?

right.

My house was becoming a reflection of the last year of my life. ONE BIG DISHEVELED MESS.

So, today, I did it. I unpacked my living room. It was therapy. It brought me joy. I like things to look nice. But I just kinda gave up. It feels good. And I am sure it will feel better to those visiting my house next time too.

I think I am almost back to my old self.

ALMOST.

8 comments:

The Miller Family said...

Wow...this exact post could be on my blog. Except the part where you actually got to the unpacking...I'm not quite there. Yet. But maybe soon. I just have to say though, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

Glad you have your living room back!

Taeya said...

As someone who has enjoyed many lovely meals at your old houses (and all those tasty scones), I am glad to hear that you are getting back to your regular entertaining self...the people of AZ will be blessed for sure!!! You always did amaze me with how quickly you unpacked (yes, even a year and a half seems quick to me!)

Emily said...

i totally feel ya sister this last year sucked in a BIG way and things get lost along the way including self...hang in there...that's what i keep telling my self and it seems to work most days, so hang in there, it has to get better right???

Leah said...

Wow, you have moved more than anyone I know. Moving is the biggest stress in life next to death and divorce. So I can see how very very tough you are!!! If it makes you feel any better, I have never decorated my bedroom and many other rooms in my house and that is 6+ years of no good excuses on my part.

Tammy said...

I LOVED your scones. They were delicious!!! Love them! By the way, the flowers you made for K are adorable. So cute! Lily won't wear stuff on her head any more. I've been so bummed about this. I love flowers.

The Grant Family said...

(((hugs)))

jessica said...

I'm so glad for you...it is tough getting through a wall like that. Now I want pictures!

Natalie said...

oh how i loved this post lindsey. i truly think that our outside environment reflects what is going on inside of us. right now at my house it isn't pretty so i have been doing some reflective work of my own:). Once my sister walked into our bedroom and said "oh, wow! I hope this isn't reflective of your love life..." um...no it isn't thank you very much. so i decorated my room soon after that and it felt so good. way to push past the yuckiness of the past year! you're one tough cookie!

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