Nothingness

This is such a weird feeling. I have never had this feeling before. . . Nothing is going on.
We aren't going anywhere for summer vacation.
Peter is home. A LOT, because he just hired a manager for the store.
My kids are home, and don't have a ton of things to do.
I mean, I have signed them up for a few summer things, but, in all, it doesn't fee like much.
I am working, but it is definitely slower in the summer.
I watch other people's lives swirling around me.
And I am grateful.
That I am not packing a box,
or trying to find a place to live,
or making life changing decisions,
or having major upheaval,
or devastation,
or anything else.
I am SO grateful.
And although I am probably at my best when I have a little bit of stress,
I am grateful that there is no stress.
I am just plum happy about it.
I may finally have a normal life.
Like you all have had for many, many years.
Where you don't move,
and you don't pack boxes,
and you don't stress about where to live.
or what your husband is going to do for work,
and it feels FREAKING FANTASTIC.
And I can say that because it is my blog.
And I don't feel bad about it.
Not one bit.
I still look back on my life and wonder what on earth was happening,
and wonder how on earth I survived it.
And realize man! I DID SURVIVE IT!
And I now see other people, with their turn,
for whatever.
And I am here for you, for them.
If you need me.
Because I understand.
And I am grateful for that too.
Because that is what life is about.
Understanding.
Having compassion.
Loving.
Understanding.
I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.
Or if I will just continually be amazed that I made it to this point.
It feels good.
And I am grateful.

Turning Tides

The other day we were all in the car at 3 p.m. Peter and I were checking out locations for our next store, which will hopefully be opening in September. At the last minute we decided to go out to dinner. This is totally rare for us because a) it is expensive to take 6 people to dinner, and b) we have 4 kids, 10, autistic, 5 and crazy.

Peter decided we would take everyone to AN ACTUAL RESTAURANT. Again, something we don't do. We usually go to such establishments as Chick fil A, Wendy's, and Panda Express when we are in need of a quick dinner. Even visits to these places are rare, and only after we have already had pizza for the week.

We walked down the Mall corridor with our family, and I could hardly believe my eyes. They were all walking, talking, and acting like civilized creatures, and suddenly, I could hardly wait to see them all as adults, and siblings spending time together and relishing in family time.

We were seated and played a simple game of I spy while waiting for our food. A game which everyone LOVES. And I looked around, and could hardly believe my eyes. We were all in a restaurant. Everyone was behaving themselves (generally) and we were all enjoying our selves! I wasn't rushing a baby out, or trying to keep someone happy with a sugar packet, or changing a diaper, or trying to make a bottle with restaurant water, or yelling at anyone for getting under the table, or walking someone in a stroller while we were waiting for food. OR ANYTHING ELSE. I was just sitting there.... enjoying the moment. And it was indeed a magnificent moment.

I took  a picture with my heart, because it was sweet. I am loving watching these people grow and develop. It is exciting, and rewarding, and I just don't know what I would do without a single one of them.

Life is good.

Wade

This little boy captured my heart long ago. He was an easy baby. Smiled at 2 weeks old, he has always been  my buddy and pal, and maybe, just maybe, he will be the reason I cry for the first time when I send a kindergartner to school.  He is fun, and usually happy go lucky. Usually obedient, but can also be a great big punk. It's so hard for me to discipline him at times because he has a full fledged grip on my heart. 

He Loooooooooooooooves baseball. And when his daddy told him that it was his last game for the season the other day he nearly died of shock. It was ruining his little world, and I love that about him too. 

When I tell him to get ready for baseball he happily gathers all of this things, underwear and "cup" to boot. 

He is smart as a whip, is reading on a first grade level. His favorite video right now is school house rock, and I swear he just loves it because he wants to soak in every last bit of information it provides. Yesterday after his last day of preschool, his teacher gave him a math workbook, and he insisted on coming home and working on it. He wanted to finish it all in one day. 

His teacher cracked me up with what she said about Wade, because it is literally and exact description of Peter. Peter and I both have our mini-me's he has Wade, and I have Kaylie. In all the good ways, and in all the bad. 

Someone remarked after his performance to me that he was the only one who knew all the songs. He loves to sing and he loves to know all the words! He insists on getting out the hymnal at church, and wants to follow along. 

 He is a complete joy to me... even when he is being a punk. And I just love him to pieces. His teacher said he grew 4 inches this year. She has been teaching preschool for 10 years and has never had a child grow 4 inches in a single school year. She said she has kids grow 3, a lot, but never 4. I would never know because he refuses to wear pants, so, I don't usually notice that he has grown and inch or two.... But he is a VERY big boy, and solid as a brick.

 I really don't know what I am going to do next year when he is in school full time. I will miss him tremendously, and I am sad that we won't have that daily connection anymore. He always has been a total joy. Even from day one. Most of his life is on this blog, because I started it right around the time he was born.

Here are a few videos of his performance, and words from his teacher to give you and idea.




Ps- I recently migrated a bunch of old videos from google video, and many of them are Wade as a baby. Click on a few, and you will see why we love him so much!