Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Nothingness

This is such a weird feeling. I have never had this feeling before. . . Nothing is going on.
We aren't going anywhere for summer vacation.
Peter is home. A LOT, because he just hired a manager for the store.
My kids are home, and don't have a ton of things to do.
I mean, I have signed them up for a few summer things, but, in all, it doesn't fee like much.
I am working, but it is definitely slower in the summer.
I watch other people's lives swirling around me.
And I am grateful.
That I am not packing a box,
or trying to find a place to live,
or making life changing decisions,
or having major upheaval,
or devastation,
or anything else.
I am SO grateful.
And although I am probably at my best when I have a little bit of stress,
I am grateful that there is no stress.
I am just plum happy about it.
I may finally have a normal life.
Like you all have had for many, many years.
Where you don't move,
and you don't pack boxes,
and you don't stress about where to live.
or what your husband is going to do for work,
and it feels FREAKING FANTASTIC.
And I can say that because it is my blog.
And I don't feel bad about it.
Not one bit.
I still look back on my life and wonder what on earth was happening,
and wonder how on earth I survived it.
And realize man! I DID SURVIVE IT!
And I now see other people, with their turn,
for whatever.
And I am here for you, for them.
If you need me.
Because I understand.
And I am grateful for that too.
Because that is what life is about.
Understanding.
Having compassion.
Loving.
Understanding.
I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.
Or if I will just continually be amazed that I made it to this point.
It feels good.
And I am grateful.

5 comments:

jessica said...

You have every right to enjoy this calm! You have been through it sister...and now that I can relate to what you have gone through over the years I am even more happy for you that you have this time to reflect and relax. It gives me hope that I will be there too someday :) Take every magical moment in for yourself and for me too. xoxo

jessica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natalie said...

I love this post on so many {so many!} levels. I'm happy for you. It's about dang time. Haha! Your perspective though, is what truly inspires me. Compassion is a beautiful thing. Love love love.

Natalie said...

That came out wrong. It's not about dang time that I'm happy for you. I meant its about dang time that things are mellowed a little bit. That's all. K love you my dear;)!

Liesel said...

Wow, I am SO glad that things are going well and calmer for you right now. You deserve it! It sounds like you have been through crazy stressful stuff the past while. However, you weren't alone in not having a normal life "like you all have had for many, many years." Although, I totally relate to that sentiment when I look at other people's lives. I realize I don't REALLY know what is going on with them. Anyhow, I love it that you survived and it gives me hope.

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