I put my blog on private last week. It was staring at me. I didn't go "private" I just didn't want anyone to look at me. . . I mean, it. I felt like deleting the whole thing. It wasn't providing me with any sort of satisfaction. That happens sometimes.
The past two years, since our move here to AZ, have been hard. We have been blessed, and we have survived. But there comes a point where you start to feel like you are suffocating and there is no reprieve. No rest. No resolve. No peace. No letting up. Just pressing forward.
At first you think, just have faith! Just move forward! Everything will be okay! Then after a few years you start to think, WILL EVERYTHING BE OKAY?
I seriously don't know. I hope that someday I do know. But it isn't today, and it hasn't been very often in the past few years. I know lots of people struggle. Lots of people have different issues. I know, in some regards, I am not alone. I know in other regards, I am.
But for the most part, people always put the "happy" on their blogs. And I just felt like I couldn't. Because there wasn't any "happy". I try to keep my blog on a positive note. I definitely share the bad from time to time. But what do you do where there is no positive note? I didn't know. So, I flipped the switch to private.
I was going to put it all out there, but not let anyone see. I was going to scream at the world, but do it all in my own head. I don't really have a support system here, and so sometimes, I have to deal with it all on my own. My blog usually provides me with the support I need. But sometimes there is no one here either.
Sometimes I can't keep it all together. Sometimes I can. Right now. It is tough. But for those of you who "checked on me" thanks. Although it wasn't my intention. It was more my intention to hide. But, thanks for checking on me anyway.
Someday, I hope to be able to post here that all my problems have been RESOLVED! YAY! But I doubt it. I would like to put a FEW to bed. That would be nice. But right now, they are all piled up, and it is hard to see out.
My next post will be cheery. Because I survived Fall Break. Without even going out of town. We kept busy. Very busy. And we had fun. I am surprised at how much I actually did. And what is more cheery than eating a strawberry topped funnel cake at the fair?
Nothing is more cheery than that. Nothing.