Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Crash

I walked into church today, tired, but okay.
I have gotten a horrible cold, probably due to stress and lack of sleep.
I was going in to church by myself (with the kids), and unless I am at the store, I don't really see Peter at all during the day.
He leaves at 8 a.m. and comes home at 11:30. Works for a few more hours on things he couldn't do during the day, and then does it all again the next day.

Hopefully THAT won't last forever.

I worked at the store on Friday, and Saturday night, so, I felt like I have seen him a bit, but I am sure the kids are wondering what has happened to him.

I felt fine at church, but as soon as the testimonies started, I started crying.
Like inconsolable crying.
I could not stop.
I think it was a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude.

As I looked around the room, I saw face after face after face of people who had been at the store over the weekend.
Even staff members, who had worked all weekend.
I felt overwhelmed by what had happened.

Making the decision to move was completely gut wrenching.
We did not want to move AGAIN.
We did not want to uproot the kids AGAIN.
We did not want to loose all the services and the school that Jaxon was at.
We did not want to uproot Abby, who tends to have the most difficult time with moving.
We did not want to "start over" again.

At the same time, our struggles in Arizona seemed never ending.
I never felt accepted.
And even though I liked Arizona, I never felt "at home."
I never found a niche.
Peter never found a stable work environment.
As much as we tried our best to make it work, it didn't.
And we felt COMPELLED to move.
There was nothing there that made us feel like we were anchored there.

But, it was confirmed to us over and over and over again that we were supposed to "be here".
As I looked around the room today, and realized how many faces I had seen at the store over the weekend, I felt the love.

The love from our ward family, our new environment, and our Heavenly Father.

He knew we would need support. In all sorts of ways, and he gave it to us.
In spades.

Not only did they just physically show up at our store, but they told friends, passed out coupons and continued to share our story with everyone they knew.
It was an amazing outpouring of love.
And as I sat there today, I had it confirmed to me once again, that we were in the right place.
I am overwhelmed by the love and support.
I am overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity.
And most importantly,

I am grateful.


Melissa-Mc said...

Having a ward that truly feels like a family is such a blessing. I am so happy this has been such a good move for your family.

Linsey said...

This is happiness. I'm glad things are finally feeling "right" for you. Sometimes doing what you are supposed to do is impossibly difficult, but it is so sweet when you do it and you see and feel the rewards. Thank goodness for inspiration and the courage to follow it.

Nicky said...

So, so happy for you !!

jessica said...

It is so awesome when you have your own "This is the place" moment. I have had that experience and it truly is such a gift to have the spirit guide and confirm along the way. Yay Lindsey!!! And I am so glad that you have such a loving ward family...what neat people!


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