Monday, September 22, 2008

I am a clutz.

Definition by Urban Dictionary:

clutz :
Someone who is extremely careless, stupid and a hazard to be around. Trips over shoes constantly, breaks anything he touches, should not be allowed around heavy machinery or anything that might put other's lives in danger.
Mr Clutz walks into old, rich woman's house with lots of v. elaborate, precariously placed ornaments and brakeables scattered around. Clutz: Oooh look a penny! (As he picks up penny, knocks down v. expensive china vase) Old woman: Good heavens! That vase was my Great Grandmama's! Clutz: Huh? What vase?

Thank you to Urban Dictionary for defining my life. Eventhough I was an athlete for many, many years... I am an extreme clutz. HOWEVER, I can catch items flying at me with either hand and amazing precision. I have even caught a glass falling out the cupboard in mid-air.

Apparently having laser like reflexes does not IN ANY WAY make up for being a clutz. That is why why my husband came home today at lunch time, he found me in a pile on the floor with macaroni and cheese mashed up and down my side and hanging from my hair. Simple reason: I slipped on apple sauce that Wade had splashed on the floor. (I was carrying the mac and cheese to his tray) In defense of my lightening fast reflexes, I DID try to catch myself as I was going down by grabbing on to the kitchen island. Unfortunately, I was already too far gone and that just added to the problem when I heard all of the cracking and popping noises in my shoulder. Ouch.

Remember how yesterday I said I was in pain? Well, today I am in more. I need a vacation from myself.

Lest ye think that this was my ONLY clutzy moment.. I will tell you, if there is a shoe, a cat, a hair clip, toy, sharp object or even door mat on the floor I will trip over it. If there is a knife in the kitchen I will cut myself with it... If there is something hot on the stove, I will most certainly get a 3rd degree burn from it. I have split my finger open breaking a glass dish, tripped backwards over an open dishwasher door and cut the tip of my finger off with scissors. I AM that big of a clutz.

10 comments:

The Grant Family said...

Did you play HS basketball with Cheryln Smith?

Kenny and Linsey said...

I am sorry, but I am rolling on the floor...but, on purpose. :)

DnJKnightonFamily said...

I am glad to see, that I am not the only person that fits the definition of Clutz!!! I hope you are ok. It is very embarassing to be the reason of you own pain!!! ;)
(I am laughing too)

Bridget said...

Blame it on being pregnant. Your center of gravity is off. I am trying to not laugh at the mental image you created but it's pretty funny. :)

Emily said...

ouch!! my tummy hurts from laughing, oh and for your pain too! Thats a long way to fall!! Today do you feel like you've been in a car accident?

heather said...

Oh goodness!

Okay -I would've really liked a picture of THAT mess!
My brother took off a week early, so I can't send the camera with him.

I can mail it to you!

OR I'll be in Mesa on October 15th and 16th if you want me to bring it to you.

:)

Pineapple Princess said...

Holy cow, I tried not to laugh. Darn America's Funniest Home Videos.

I would love to know your hubby's reaction. And Wade.

Good thing baby is ok.

Tina said...

I hope you are OK though!!! You are so great! I love your sense of humor!

jessica said...

I'll send you some bubble wrap...clearly you need to be protected from yourself :)

My poor Edee is a clutz...just last night she ran into a door and bonked her head and then walked into the stair railing and hurt her shoulder. Oh the years of injuries that await us...

Melissa-Mc said...

Ouch. I am a fellow clutz as well. My husband said it endeared me to him when we were dating. But being pregnant makes us all the more clutzier (is that a word?)

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