Sunday, February 15, 2009

I am in LOVE.

I am in love. I think the season is getting to me because I have moments where I am just overwhelmed with L.O.V.E. (I am sure sleep deprivation is causing quite a bit of emotion too)



The past 9 months, I have been gestating. Not just a baby, but a new life, extreme challenges, heartbreak, frustration, sadness, wonderful blessings, calm and peace only the spirit can bring, and new love for my husband of 9 years.



I have shed more tears than I could have possibly imagined. I have asked why. I have cursed the heavens. I have resigned myself to God's will, I have overcome my frustrations, I have truly let God and let go.



You see, back then... we were on our way to a new life. But, apparently it wasn't the new life we THOUGHT we were getting. It was the new life Heavenly Father wanted us to have. He knew that it would be life altering. He knew that we would become stronger because of it. He knew that I would eventually realize that if I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, I would have NEVER had a fourth child. He knew that these challenges would forever change my husband from the person I knew he was into an even better, more focused, more spiritual person than he was before.



We lost a lot in the process. A lot of $$$$$, a lot of hair, a lot of friends (from moving away), a lot of sanity, a lot of peace and even MORE SLEEP.



We gained grey hairs (I finally got one), new help for Jaxon, a new daughter and a better life. (We haven't yet gained back the sleep)



But here we are at the end. (kind of) Looking back, and BEGINNING to realize why it all went down. All I can feel is love. LOVE. L.O.V.E. In a whole new way. Don't get me wrong. It was rough. Rougher than I thought my life would EVER be. But I am grateful because now I see what I have. Now I see some light. Now I see that maybe Heavenly Father knows the plan a little better than I do, and now, I have more faith to let him be in total control. (Because I never even REMOTELY had control of this DOOZEY) I just had moments... Moments of inspiration. Moments of peace. Moments when I knew exactly what I needed to do to help my husband endure and find peace even in the most difficult of times. It is a horrible experience to watch someone you love suffer and struggle when there is nothing you can do except try to support them through it all.



We grew. We grow. We are still growing. We have a L.O.N.G. way to go to get back to where we were (stability wise).... But we are on our way.



Peter starts work on Tuesday.

17 comments:

The Grant Family said...

Hip, hip horray for a new job! That is so wonderful! It's interesting the things you learn and the strength you find that you never knew you had when you go through something like that. My husband went through a job loss back in 2006 when my third child was just 2 months old. It was a mess with non-compete clauses and lawyers involved...blaaa! We learned a lot though and are glad we went through it 2 1/2 years ago and not now. It definitely taught us a lot and gave us a lot of understanding for others who are going through it now. Hope things keep getting better and better for you guys!

jessica said...

AMEN! Letting go is so hard but when you truly let go and let God the blessings OVERFLOWETH!

I am so happy for you Lindsey. I know you guys are being blessed and the fact that you know it is even better...

the MomBabe said...

YAY FOR TUESDAY!

Kara said...

Congratulations. Wonderful news!

Jill said...

I LOVE your heart. Thanks for sharing...I love learning from other people too. We all have our trials that suck, but it's so NICE to know that if we trust we will truly be blessed. Best of luck to your family! You're awesome.

Leah said...

That was BE-YOU-tiful, Lindsey. You are a good woman. You inspire me. You are focusing on all the good you've been blessed with during gut wrenching, challenging times. And those are some serious blessings you have, my dear! Thank you for you.

Natalie said...

I am so happy for you! That gave me chills, some food for thought, tears and a wonderful way to start my day! I am really [really] blessed to have heard your thoughts today.
xoxoxo

Jeanelle said...

Oh Lindsey, I'm beyond thrilled for your family. What fantastic news!! And I'm so glad you liked the baby stuff! xoxox

Melissa-Mc said...

The Lord's will and timing are always the best. It's all about the faith to get there. I'm so glad that you were able to have that 4th sweet baby!

Tina said...

Happy day today! Isn't it amazing how we so want to know the end from the beginning but when we are at the tail end of our trials we realize all that we learned along the way. Thats why they call it the "refiners fire" It burns, hurts and is hard to endure but when we do, we come out much better than when we started, and so much happier. I am happy for you and your family. Now it sounds like you are feeling the blessings that are POURING in!

Heidi said...

Isn't that how life is, all ups and downs? We are so blessed to know that our H.F loves us and will not leave us alone. He never said it would be easy but atleast we know if we have faith and keep pluggin' along we will be blessed. I am so glad you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. What a sigh of relief. I have been thinking about you lots and want you to know I love you and miss you. Any plans to come to WA this summer?

Laurie said...

Congrats - that is so great about the job. And boy oh boy could I relate to EVERY word of that post. You articulated it very beautifully and I can only add an "AMEN! Sista!"

So tell us about the job! What will he be doing?

Hillary said...

Wow what a great post. I am so happy that you are feeling so much love in your home. And we are excited for Pete. Way to go guys.

Bridget said...

So happy for you! What a great post. You're awesome.

gab said...

Lindsey! You know I look up to you figuratively and not just literally! You have great faith and an awesome attitude. So happy for your family and your happy endings!

Lindsay said...

Lost friends? I think not, maybe just lost proximity to friends...which is exremely hard. So glad for you and all the new 'notches' on your belt!

Ilene said...

I LOVE this news!

Congratulations! May paychecks and full nights sleep be coming your way!!!

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