Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Bachelorette Episode 3 Re-Cap

I am sooooooooooooo sorry it took me so long to get to this post! I wasn't able to watch the show until late last night, and as I was watching it, I thought to myself, "I need to be taking notes, because, I will never remember all the stuff I am thinking!" But, since I was in bed, with the covers up to my head, I never did get that note pad. So, I had to watch it all over AGAIN this morning, and take notes while I was watching so I didn't miss anything. Because, honey, you don't want to miss ANYTHING! It was just as funny, if not more the second time around too!

I was trying to decide HOW to re-cap when I was taking notes, because, let's face it, there are lots of options there. But then, a "theme" started to appear in my notes, so, we will go with a theme today, categorized by person. And the theme is going to be,


Let's start with Chris L. I guess, because I didn't load these up in any particular order! Chris L., Please don't get rid of that Boston Accent, it is endearing, and so are those pecks! (whoa).

Chris N, (Ryan Sutter look-a-like) Please don't ever wear those ugly 80's sunglasses EVER AGAIN! Oh wait, maybe you and Ali would look like an awesome 80's couple with your ugly glasses and her off the shoulder shirt.
Craig R., Please don't stop giving your take on every scene. They are always spot on. The producers obviously love them because you are pretty much the only one they put on there with your personal take, but I love 'em too, so, it is okay. I hear there is a job opening at American Idol. Think about it.

Frank, PLEASE DON'T wear that ugly beard anymore! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! It is not manly, it is SCRAWNY! I thought I told you that last week, but I guess you weren't listening. Please check Holly's blog next week for further instructions as I will be sure to leave more nasty comments about it. Oh, and one other thing, please don't wear your glasses on the top of your head unless they are sunglasses. It isn't cool. Oh, and sorry about this, but ONE MORE THING. Please don't ever ever EVER dance on national television again. You will thank me for that one. (Did anyone else catch that? Horrible)

Hunter, please don't wear your seat belt under your arm pit (I think it is the same shirt you have on in this picture) like a four year old. Just endure the wrinkles, okay? And although I LOVED having a Manny, please don't tell Ali that you want to be one on your first date. Your lack of ambition MIGHT be a turn off to Ali. I am just sayin'.

Beefcake, I mean, Jesse, Please don't wear a jean shirt AND jeans at the same time. You would have been better off with just the black shirt, and where was your suit anyway? You were at a ROSE CEREMONY! You shoulda looked your best! You were barely even on this episode... which probably means your beefcake ways aren't cuttin' it man.

John C., Please don't wonder aloud if Ali even knows your name, because you know what? She doesn't. Was that take of them in the bathtub too hilarious? Did you see his face when she got out? How about his face after he talked about his scene. Too much. Guess why they didn't re-do that take John, because it was JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! Sionara .

Weatherman, I love that that is what EVERYONE calls him. Jonathan, PLEASE DON'T say "Bare Naked Ladies" again. It looks bad coming out of your mouth. Please don't wear ANOTHER zippered jacket. Did you raid MJ's closet at Neverland Ranch? (Thanks Jeanelle! I was so tired last night I almost missed it!) And Please don't make EVERY interaction you have with Ali SO STINKIN' UNCOMFORTABLE! Geesh. Nothing says, "I'm uncomfortable" like wiggly scratchy fingers on the back after a kiss. Blech.

Justin, Please don't wear that ugly soul patch anymore. Because you have no soul. And PLEASE quit trying to get us to think you are a decent guy, because, we know you're not.

Kasey, Please don't talk anymore. It makes me want to clear my throat. And from the looks of it, it looks like you should keep your singing to yourself too.
Kirk, Please don't consider a career change into adult f*lms (don't want any google hits) because your romp on the video set was "so real". You acted like it was a bit too natural bud. Sorry.
ROBERTO, Please don't STOP being you, because you have got this in the BAG BABY! Kissing in the air was a GREAT idea, and I don't know if it was staged (okay, it was) but when you guys were looking into the sunset and you said, "I really want to see a lot more of these with you" I don't know what Ali was thinking, but I was pretty sure I would marry him. And that kissing? While laying down? I am pretty sure he was "feelin' it" because I SURE AS HECK WAS! (Okay, TMI, but you all know you were thinkin' it) Ps- Multi -LINGUAL esta muey S*XY!
Steve, Please don't get upset, but your helmet head would turn anyone off. Consider a new hair route. The picnic at the rose ceremony was cute, but too little too late. And please don't tell girls you have "fragile hands". Girls want TOUGH hands. BE TOUGH! (And please don't try to open a bottle of champagne on your own again)
Ty, please don't wear this ruffly shirt you have on in this picture EVER AGAIN unless you are in a Lawrence Welk skit on SNL. (Okay, I can see now that it is actually embroidered, but STILL!) And please don't wear that big medallion thingy again. It screams, "I HAVE NO FASHION SENSE OR DIGNITY!".
Was that it? Wow, that went by too fast! But I am forgetting one person.
Please don't wear any more 80's clothes! It was NOT the most flattering decade. Please don't guffaw anymore when you are about to give someone a rose (ala Roberto's date) and PLEASE DON'T talk about how you know how it will "be" with someone when you are cuddling. Weird. And TMI.
K-thanks! Hope you enjoyed! Stop my Holly's blog next week for a re-cap post!


Arian said...

Love, love, love it! And, yes, I definitely have a little crush on Roberto. In a happily married kind of way... :)

Jazzy said...

I believe my favorite part about this post was the "scratchy-wiggly fingers". Ew. It totally wierded me out. Thanks for the recap. I can tell I missed out by not catching the the first 1/2 hour of the show.

Andie said...

Please don't ever stop showing crutches guy ha-rumphing his way into the back of that scene after "walking" (miles!) to her house. I could watch it again and again.

Andie said...

Oh...and also... please DON'T buy a three pack of men's XL hanes t-shirts and incorporate them into nearly every outfit on every date? Even if you think you changed it up a bit by going all "Flashdance" by hacking the neck out of one of them, and wearing it off one shoulder.

Andie said...

Oh... and last one... I swear.

Please DON'T even let your four year old put the seat belt under their arm. Baaaad things can happen.

Hollyween said...

Oh. My. Word.

That was so hilarious, I nearly busted this child I'm carrying out from laughing. We are talking some serious belly shake-age from laughing so hard.

I don't even have anything to add because you said EVERYTHING I was thinking as I was watching it today. And yes, note-taking is a must. I learned that the hard way which is why I had to start taking notes last season.

Roberto is a hottie. I want him to stay and win. I seriously can't think of anyone I like as much as him, but Chris L is definitely second fo sho.

But speaking of Chris L, what is up with the lack of fancy dress code at the rose ceremonies? He and good ole' what's his face with the jean shirt were looking hokey and like they didn't belong.

Oh, and what about ruffly shirt-lawrence-welk guy (HILARIOUS take by the way) and that sick necklace thing he wears? Ew.

And weather man. Oh, weatherman. I would have gotten rid of that dweeb on day ONE, baby. He is NASTY with a capital 'N'. Do you think he's gay? What with the jackets, crying and the almost ick factor with kissing Ali. Talk abotu awkward. I couldn't watch.

And Pee Wee... (can't remember his name either. What's with me??) You are right... his face was CLASSIC when she got up and left.

And look, people keep saying Kasey may have a hearing impediment, but I don't buy it. I would be sympathetic if that were the case. But no. That guy just talks really REALLY and I mean REALLY bad and annoying. As soon as he introduced himself, I wanted that dude gone. Just so I didn't have to listen to that grating voice. Ack!

And Steve's helmet hair! I was thinking the EXACT. SAME. THING!

Hollyween said...

Oh, and one more thing...

I don't buy for one second that Ali is really all that afraid of flying. She's pretty annoying with her whole 'fear' thing. I bet if it was a REAL fear, no producer or Chris Harrison could make her step foot in a plane. Just sayin'.

Seriously, Steve's hair. And that yellow shirt he's in in the picture? He's almost girl-like. He needs a major new coif.

Lindsey said...

Holly ,if Kasey had a hearing impediment I don't think he would be BUSTING into song on the next epoisode. Just sayin'. But even if he DOES, don't you think they would have addressed it by now by showing their "heart to heart" about how he is deaf in one ear? I think so. Nuf. said.

Lauren in GA said...

Hi, Lindsey!!! I remember lurking on your blog before...I remember Gabi writing a post about you, and also, ages ago, you left me a comment about art therapy when my boys had drawn pictures of the tornados that had come through our town. (March 2008) I laughed when you said you were going to add me to your reader because I comment on all of your friends' blogs. It's true...I met Jessica Romney in the blog sphere...and then Ilene P. and then Jessica A. I think they used to be in your old ward. Is it scary that I know that you moved from the Liberty Lakes area? I just remember Jessica R. posting about how you fixed her red beaded necklace even though you were packing to move. I feel like I kind of know you in the blog world...I knew you were moving because Jessica R. said that you were going to fix her necklace even though you were packing to move. I also think I learned from Celia that you were pregnant at the same time I was because I think it was you she commented about being pregnant on one of her Parade of Ugly Christmas ornaments post. Anyway, you are sweet to have put me on your reader. Is it weird that I kind of feel like we are old friends?

Lindsey...did I scare you?


Oh, no...I scared you ;)

Hollyween said...

Ha ha ha! Lauren is truly hilarious. She's got the memory of an elephant. I love you, Lauren!

Jeanelle said...

Oh my gosh, Lindsey -- awesome! I am still stunned by the zippered jacket and Holly, my friend Krysta thinks Weatherman is gay too. I was hiding my face when he awkwardly asked her to go off somewhere so they could kiss for real. ICK! How did she end up giving him a rose after that? And my please don't? Cute Cape Cod Chris L, please don't wear that ridiculous periodic elements t-shirt again. It's horrible! Like you, I love the lawyer because he is so right on. I too wondered what in the HECK Jesse was wearing at the rose ceremony. I'm surprised he got a rose after that. And Kasey scares me. Seriously. Like serial rapist scary. Oh and shirtless, plaid shorts Kirk? Yummy. And Roberto's sunset comment was one of the most romantic things ever and I just hope it wasn't written for him. And girls? So loving the shared efforts this season!!! xoxoxo

Sunny said...

Thanks for the recap, Lindsey -- I am here from Holly's blog. :) I don't know what I love more, the show itself or reading your blogs the next day!

I have another one. ABC, do not stop showing The Bachelorette! I *need* my weekly dose of Roberto, the Weatherman (+1 for him being gay), and Justin the Wrestler (am I the only one who kinda likes him?). And who already has a girlfriend??!?! I AM LOVING THIS SEASON!

k2liketheski said...

Here visiting from Jeanelle's blog....GREAT recap!! You ladies have such a talent with this!

Poor, poor Weatherman. He is so gay and I CAN'T BELIEVE HE CRIED! Holy freaking humiliation! I mean, I love a guy who is in touch with his sensitive side, but that whole scene was just awkward and awful. I can't believe Ali kept him either, he gives me the creeps!

Looking forward to more great stuff from you three!


Lauren in GA said...

I love how you were linked by both Jeanelle and Holly!! It just proves how hilarious you are.

I love your new profile pic!!

Gypsy Girl said...

Can I just say HI-LARIOUS? I'm a friend of Arian's and we are unabashed Bachelorette lovers. Your commentary would be so fun during our Monday night B-fests! I'll definitely be back for more... :)

diane said...

Ok, I had to rewind twice to watch Jonathan's ridiculous expression when Ali called his name during the rose ceremony. Awesome. Love your post.

Gayle said...

Lindz- I was watching "The Soup" last night and they were showing recaps of the Bachelorette and showed something that no one yet has noticed. When Justin was making his long trek over to Ali's house, the first shot the cast/brace is on his left leg, and then on the final stretch toward Ali the cast/brace is on his right leg. I had to rewind it to see if what they were saying was correct, and it so was! Total faker! Just saying.

Mariel said...

Holly's buddy here...very fun! Totally agree on everything BUT Craig R.

Craig R., PLEASE kick YOURSELF off the show because you are such a critical, pansy-A*$, drama queen!

There, that's all. He bugs.

Great blog!



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