The Bachelorette Episode 3 Re-Cap

I am sooooooooooooo sorry it took me so long to get to this post! I wasn't able to watch the show until late last night, and as I was watching it, I thought to myself, "I need to be taking notes, because, I will never remember all the stuff I am thinking!" But, since I was in bed, with the covers up to my head, I never did get that note pad. So, I had to watch it all over AGAIN this morning, and take notes while I was watching so I didn't miss anything. Because, honey, you don't want to miss ANYTHING! It was just as funny, if not more the second time around too!

I was trying to decide HOW to re-cap when I was taking notes, because, let's face it, there are lots of options there. But then, a "theme" started to appear in my notes, so, we will go with a theme today, categorized by person. And the theme is going to be,

"PLEASE DON'T"

Let's start with Chris L. I guess, because I didn't load these up in any particular order! Chris L., Please don't get rid of that Boston Accent, it is endearing, and so are those pecks! (whoa).

Chris N, (Ryan Sutter look-a-like) Please don't ever wear those ugly 80's sunglasses EVER AGAIN! Oh wait, maybe you and Ali would look like an awesome 80's couple with your ugly glasses and her off the shoulder shirt.

Craig R., Please don't stop giving your take on every scene. They are always spot on. The producers obviously love them because you are pretty much the only one they put on there with your personal take, but I love 'em too, so, it is okay. I hear there is a job opening at American Idol. Think about it.

Frank, PLEASE DON'T wear that ugly beard anymore! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! It is not manly, it is SCRAWNY! I thought I told you that last week, but I guess you weren't listening. Please check Holly's blog next week for further instructions as I will be sure to leave more nasty comments about it. Oh, and one other thing, please don't wear your glasses on the top of your head unless they are sunglasses. It isn't cool. Oh, and sorry about this, but ONE MORE THING. Please don't ever ever EVER dance on national television again. You will thank me for that one. (Did anyone else catch that? Horrible)

Hunter, please don't wear your seat belt under your arm pit (I think it is the same shirt you have on in this picture) like a four year old. Just endure the wrinkles, okay? And although I LOVED having a Manny, please don't tell Ali that you want to be one on your first date. Your lack of ambition MIGHT be a turn off to Ali. I am just sayin'.

Beefcake, I mean, Jesse, Please don't wear a jean shirt AND jeans at the same time. You would have been better off with just the black shirt, and where was your suit anyway? You were at a ROSE CEREMONY! You shoulda looked your best! You were barely even on this episode... which probably means your beefcake ways aren't cuttin' it man.

John C., Please don't wonder aloud if Ali even knows your name, because you know what? She doesn't. Was that take of them in the bathtub too hilarious? Did you see his face when she got out? How about his face after he talked about his scene. Too much. Guess why they didn't re-do that take John, because it was JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! Sionara .

Weatherman, I love that that is what EVERYONE calls him. Jonathan, PLEASE DON'T say "Bare Naked Ladies" again. It looks bad coming out of your mouth. Please don't wear ANOTHER zippered jacket. Did you raid MJ's closet at Neverland Ranch? (Thanks Jeanelle! I was so tired last night I almost missed it!) And Please don't make EVERY interaction you have with Ali SO STINKIN' UNCOMFORTABLE! Geesh. Nothing says, "I'm uncomfortable" like wiggly scratchy fingers on the back after a kiss. Blech.

Justin, Please don't wear that ugly soul patch anymore. Because you have no soul. And PLEASE quit trying to get us to think you are a decent guy, because, we know you're not.

Kasey, Please don't talk anymore. It makes me want to clear my throat. And from the looks of it, it looks like you should keep your singing to yourself too.
Kirk, Please don't consider a career change into adult f*lms (don't want any google hits) because your romp on the video set was "so real". You acted like it was a bit too natural bud. Sorry.
ROBERTO, Please don't STOP being you, because you have got this in the BAG BABY! Kissing in the air was a GREAT idea, and I don't know if it was staged (okay, it was) but when you guys were looking into the sunset and you said, "I really want to see a lot more of these with you" I don't know what Ali was thinking, but I was pretty sure I would marry him. And that kissing? While laying down? I am pretty sure he was "feelin' it" because I SURE AS HECK WAS! (Okay, TMI, but you all know you were thinkin' it) Ps- Multi -LINGUAL esta muey S*XY!
Steve, Please don't get upset, but your helmet head would turn anyone off. Consider a new hair route. The picnic at the rose ceremony was cute, but too little too late. And please don't tell girls you have "fragile hands". Girls want TOUGH hands. BE TOUGH! (And please don't try to open a bottle of champagne on your own again)
Ty, please don't wear this ruffly shirt you have on in this picture EVER AGAIN unless you are in a Lawrence Welk skit on SNL. (Okay, I can see now that it is actually embroidered, but STILL!) And please don't wear that big medallion thingy again. It screams, "I HAVE NO FASHION SENSE OR DIGNITY!".

Was that it? Wow, that went by too fast! But I am forgetting one person.

ALI-

Please don't wear any more 80's clothes! It was NOT the most flattering decade. Please don't guffaw anymore when you are about to give someone a rose (ala Roberto's date) and PLEASE DON'T talk about how you know how it will "be" with someone when you are cuddling. Weird. And TMI.

K-thanks! Hope you enjoyed! Stop my Holly's blog next week for a re-cap post!