One Month In

Well, I've made it a month. Honestly, this little boy is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Honestly. He isn't doing great at night, but he so makes up for it during the day. He is sweet, and never cries in the car, okay, he cried ONCE in the car for 3 minutes and fell asleep. I get everything done I need to. He does't fuss at me unless he's hungry. He doesn't even really fuss at that even. He just kinda fusses. I mean, to say I am in love is a total understatement. I am so grateful. I mean sooooooooooooooo grateful.

Kaylie, when she was a baby would fuss all day, and then was horrible at night too. I mean, I don't love getting up at night, I am not great with being sleep deprived, but I can't help but love him because he is so sweet during the day! Lays on his playmat for 45 minutes. WITHOUT FUSSING. I mean, what newborn does that?!?

I have had a fussy day or two with him, and he has a hard time getting back to sleep at night mostly because of bowel disturbances. But honestly, HONESTLY, I'm so happy we have him. I know that he is a huge blessing to our family. The biggest issue I think I have is that this child will not be in Kindergarten until he is 6. SIX people! That is forever!!!! But it's okay. We'll find a good private school. ..hahah.

Honestly, I don't have much else to say. But I wanted to be able to look back on this time. It's crazy busy, and I am not working as much as I could or should, but I am enjoying it tremendously!

I'm really gonna eat my words.

Charlie brings me to tears, often. I had the craziest day. I planned a cooking day with my friend to make freezer meals. We cooked from 9:30-1 pm and didn't even finish our four meals. Charlie slept on the counter top in his car seat from 9 until 12 when I fed him, and changed him. 

Then I threw him back in his car seat and drove to the biggest trailer event we have ever had. It was an utter disaster! We did 130 pizzas out of the trailer, tons of specialty orders, and I would be surprised if 75% of the people got the right pizza. It was completely nuts, Peter was out of his head stressed, I was trying to make tons of people happy and Charlie slept in my car until 3:30 (no babies were harmed in this story. The windows were down, and it was not a hot day) I nursed him at the event, went home, cleaned the insane cooking day mess. (While Charlie was can changed and cared for by abby. Man, that's so nice) He cried during his diaper change and then was just happy as a calm.  I nursed him again because I hadn't really done a great job at the event... I threw him in his car seat and went to dinner with Peter. (We decided we deserved it, AND we didn't want to deal with a kid dinner time... We were both exhausted. We had abby make Mac and cheese at home for the kids)   He slept through dinner and I realized the kids had piano recitals tonight! We raced home, I started to nurse him again because I was going to take the kids to piano, and Peter decided to take them instead. I slowed down and tried to give Charlie a normal evening out of his car seat. I turned on the bath (keep in mind, he's cried a total of three times all day for a grand total of 15 seconds) he watched the water with a little calm smile on his face... He let me bathe him, and didn't even fuss. I carried him upstairs to dress him. He layed on my bed perfectly quiet while I rubbed lotion on him, and talked to him. And I just started to cry. 

First of all, he's a miracle. The fact that I got through this day with him at my side all day is amazing. He never gets upset, and if on the rare occasion he does, he immediately stops if you pick him up. Even if he has a messy diaper. He layed on my bed for about 30 minutes while I helped the

younger kids clean the playroom (it was destroyed during cooking time) and when I walked back into my room, he was quietly laying there looking around. It's as if he never worries or fears. His presence is that of peace, and I don't know about your kids, but I've never seen anything like it from a newborn. 

At times I worry that maybe he is to calm. Like, maybe he is not thriving. I worry about him being so calm he's going to die of SIDS. (Yes, I'm displaying irrational thoughts and/or behaviors) Honestly, he's just so special I'm looking for a reason. And I guess the reason is just that we had him. 

I am so blessed. I want to remember days like this, where I thought I was the luckiest mom in the world...

I guess it's to be expected

I don't so much feel the need to post pictures here because they are all over social media! But I do need to post the feelings that I have had since our baby was born. I guess it is as would be expected. Because after years and 9 months of dreading this baby, it is finally over, and he is here. Most of me expected that he would be just a dreaded after he came out. But I was wrong. So very very very wrong. He is sweet, and patient, and an excellent nurser, and he's calm and lets anyone hold him and I am blessed beyond measure. Now, I know he is only 6 days old, but I feel the blessing of having him in our home already, and to think I doubted for a minute his presence is ridiculous!

 I am in love, and he is wonderful. I was scared the first few days. Overwhelmed and even a bit blue. Being locked in what feels like a cage (hospital) away from family and friends for a few days will do that to you! The hospital didn't have a nursery either, so, it wasn't like I could go on vacation for a few hours a day. Or at night even, so coming home to the people who make it so made me happier than ever. It is crazy, and it will take some adjusting to, but I am grateful, and so so so happy, and every time I look into his face, I feel blessed.

Can you imagine? What a blessing. Part of me even feels a titch guilty I dreaded him so much. (But not really) because it was hard! It was asking a lot of our family, and of me! But I can see it now. He is here with purpose and I can feel it. That heavens for blessings, and for diligent husbands, because without Peter's sure knowledge of Charlie's presence in our home, he most certainly would not have come to be.

So, so, blessed.

Let's talk in a week shall we?

Almost there, and none too soon.

Abby came back! And thankfully, my prayers were answered. We ended our barrage of summer activities with a trip to Spokane for the 4th of July. It.was.awesome. All my kids are old enough to handle a plane ride without too much trouble, they were easy going and enjoyed themselves everyday. Yet another reason having this baby seems like such a sacrifice! We may have waited just a bit too long. I'm getting way too comfortable in my parenting job.

Maybe that's the point. But it is really really really nice to have a reprieve from the drum beat that is infants and toddlers. I would imagine by next year, when kaylie is in kindergarten, I will be happy to have my sidekick and be enjoying time with him even more.

As with all pregnancies, I am quickly losing patience about being pregnant. One: I got pregnant in time for a summer pregnancy. Being your biggest in the hottest months is a total nightmare. I personally think I am handling it pretty well. I am sure there are people in my house that would disagree. Two: I have gestational diabetes. The absolute worst pregnancy symptom because you can't eat anything. I'm serious. It's all salads and protein and it sucks. Bad. And three: actually, I take back what I said about gestational diabetes being the worst pregnancy problem. It is actually vulvar veins (look it up) yeah, those. Never had them before, never had gestational diabetes before, so just when you think your done with your last pregnancy at 40, those two beauty's rear their heads. Not a great time, and pretty much every day I wake up, I hope it's the last day I'm gonna be pregnant, and yes, I have 5 weeks left.

I know. But I can't help myself. Maybe having the kids in school will help? I've gotten nothing done in the last three weeks. Here's to hoping having the kids in school actually allows me to get my crap together before this baby arrives. Please! I hope so!!!!

My how things change

Depression GONE!

Looking back at those few weeks where I was crying every morning, I think it was more due to extreme stress that my body didn't know how to handle. Why is the end of the school year so crazy! Not only is it your absolute craziest time with your own kids, but  it the craziest time with my work too, and I obviously found it completely overwhelming.

You know, this blog, since becoming private, has become more of a journal for me. There are so many other outlets for day-to-day celebrations. I enjoy having someplace to go to express myself though, or to keep track of what is going on in my life, and head.

Abby is on her second week of being gone. I WOULD say that it's been so hard, and I am missing her, but actually, we have faired okay. Dealing with teen angst turns out to actually take quite a bit of managing, and so, maybe I feel like I'm getting a little break? The 6 hours she was home on Saturday of last week were rough. She was exhausted (read:grumpy) and I wanted it to be  so happy and fun and it kind of wasn't. Everyone wanted her attention, people's feeling got hurt, and maybe some fingers slammed in the doors from wanting to be with her. It wasn't quite the blissful reunion I was hoping for.

Here's to hoping for a more peaceful return this time around?

I'm gonna pray my guts out for that one.

We've been keeping ourselves busy with Tennis for Wade, and Swimming for Kaylie. I purposely made ourselves kind of busy this summer because I didn't want a lot of time at home where I was trying to keep everyone happy. There are too many different personalities in this house to make that work. Also, everyone around here immediately resorts to the TV when they are "bored" which means that I am constantly telling people to turn off the TV. We have put a moratorium on the TV until 3 everyday. Which is about the time I get sick of entertaining everyone. But, with our activities all mixed in, it hasn't been too bad. I am happy to find myself sitting near the end of June. Which will soon lead to a trip, which will bring me back to July. Not too shabby when the kids start School in August (the 12th). However, for once in my life, I am not looking forward to the drum beat of school. It starts early, and it's incessant. I am hoping for a small reprieve in the fall. OH WAIT! I'm having a baby!

I would be lying if I said I knew exactly how it was all going to go down. This I can tell you. I am scared.

In the depths

So, this is a depressing post. Warning.

I'm kind of in the throws of depression right now. I'm hoping I bounce back sooner rather than later. I wouldn't say I've been clinically diagnosed, but it is pretty obvious when we wake up and am crying every morning by 8 a.m.

I'm having some serious tweenager frustrations. Namely, she doesn't really care about anyone but herself right now, and that is hard. Really hard. I need her to not be that way right now mainly because I don't have the patience to deal with it.

Isn't that a horrible reason? I am fighting my own battle every.single.day. I hate this feeling too, because I know it's just hormones and I know there is pretty much nothing I can do about it. I can see it, feel it, I know what is happening and I know why, and it makes me even more frustrated that I can't stop it or change it, and unfortunately no amounts of caffeine or chocolate seem to be a cure.

Luckily, Peter is being more patient than he has ever been regarding my status, but I seriously don't know if I can take three more months of this!! It seems to have snuck up on me mainly in this last trimester, and I'm not a fan.

I have never experienced post pardom depression, to my knowledge, mainly because I am so stinkin' happy that I have that baby out of my body!! Oh happy day!!!!

So here I sit. Sad.

It's annoying.

The School Year is Ending (and I am so grateful)

Life is demanding for sure. With 4 kids in the mix, it is no wonder that I am exhausted most of the time. Being pregnant at 40 is about what I expected it to be. Except for a couple of bad side effects. 1) No "getting your energy back" in the second tri-mester. Boo. Very sad to find that out. I am sure that it has NOTHING to do with my work/home schedule. NOTHING. And 2) which I found out recently, my morning sickness has COME BACK. YES COME BACK. I had no idea that could even happen, and I find it very disconcerting to say the least. Who isn't over joyed when you finally stop feeling nauseous about week 14? Who isn't elated??? NO ONE. That is why I found the re-occurrence of this nuisance particularly upsetting. As a particularly yucky side effect. Most of my pregnancies have been relatively easy, but I am finding this to definitely be my hardest because I am exhausted most of the time, and now I have to add back to that, nausea. I cried in my living room for a good 20 minutes over both facts today. I have to hand it to Peter, now, on my 5th pregnancy, he doesn't look at me like I am completely insane for crying for what may be no reason. Today, he just sat in the living room with me until it looked like I might be done.

Since I don't have much good to say about pregnancy, let's go to the kids. Shall we?

Abigail: Age 11 (soon to be 12) 6th Grade at Temecula Preparatory School.

Abigail is still sorting her way through life. She's starting to see more ups and downs of teenage hood come along. Although, I would say she generally meets them with not too many issues. She helps out (for the most part) but still detests cleaning or being organized. Something i'm sure I will have to work with her for the rest of her time here in my home. I apologize in advance to her future roommates, and husband. May they be patient and not be neat freaks.

 TPS has been a complete Godsend for Abby. It has forced her (as much as it can) to be a responsible student  (YAY!) I am super scared about next year and her ability to juggle 7 classes. Hopefully she will make the transition with ease. She spent the first two semesters at TPS on the honor roll, but has dropped off the last two semesters. It's GRAMMAR that has stumped the poor kid, and it's stumped me too. I have to admit, I don't remember doing very well with sentence diagramming, but she never brings home any homework or assignments, and therefore, its tough to help her get on top of it!!!!

She is in swimming and I wouldn't say she LOVES it, but she does it. She is still taking piano, and over-all, keeps a pretty tight schedule just with those activities. The work load at TPS is a lot, but I am still grateful she is there and is learning the importance of education and doing well in school. She excels at History, and Geography and Reading. She definitely has her strong suits. Right now, she is at Astro Camp with her school and couldn't WAIT to get there. Seriously, going away for a few days is all she could think about. This girl is going to hop the nest as soon as humanly possible, I am sure. After school, we are having a little party for her (I hope it's little, she's invited her class, and I'm scared about how many people are going to show up. Really scared, my hope is for no more than 20)  She then gets to go to girls camp, which is so up her alley it's not even FUNNY. And then, as a surprise, she is going on a Disney Cruise with her grandparents. She has no idea, and she is going to be THRILLED!!! If I can manage, we are going to Spokane for the 4th of July, and Utah for the 24th, and honestly, I just hope I live through the summer. That is all.

Jaxon: Age 9 (soon to be 10) 3rd Grade at Alamos Elementary.

Jaxon's status seems like it will never change. He LOVES to draw cartoons, make up cartoon stories, and watch cartoons. Basically, and no, i'm not kidding, he is one big CARTOON. Just now, when we were working on scouts and I asked him a question about Great Americans, he paced around like Charlie Brown explaining the Declaration of Independence. Well, at least SOME cartoons do some good. He seems to be doing okay in school and is in mainstream classes a couple subjects a day. He gets lots of support for writing and spelling, and this year is a much better fit with his teacher, and I am SO grateful for her. She has made a big difference for him.

He is also taking Piano, and says he hates it, but I don't care. None of my kids are dropping out, because I am still mad sad my mom didn't make me keep taking piano. End of story. Some day he will thank me, I just know it. He is in basketball, and I think he likes it, but he definitely has struggles regarding his abilities. It is hard to watch. Sometimes painful. My prayer is that someday he will "grow out of" some of his truly autistic traits, but until then, you just have to love him. Even after he unloaded dirty dishes into my cupboards for the hundredth time today. You still just have to love him. We are feverishly working on Scouts right now, because with his disability, I am BASICALLY getting is awards with him. Lots of hand holding is involved, and during the school year, I just don't have time to do that, so we are busting it out now. Hope we get it done! :)

Wade Age 6 Kindergarten at TPS.

Wade hugs me without being asked, tells me how much he loves learning in school, and loves to be smart. Not to mention, he actually IS very smart. Reads like a whip and is doing difficult math work. Does that tell you enough? He is also diplomatic, charismatic, and overall likable kid.  He also, just by fun facts, likes to tell me that he doesn't like it when my hair is up, and likes my hair down and curly. Yes, his is going to be one of those guys who has a say in how his woman wears her hair. Much to my dismay.

I am grateful that my children are not all the same, because that would be boring. I may be a better mother if I didn't have to deal with so many differences, but having a child like Wade makes me so grateful because I can truly appreciate those differences. NOW, (this is for my mother) Wade may be my EASIEST child, which makes him my favorite by default, which I think is TOTALLY fair. HOWEVER, this child is NOT by any means perfect. He can be stubborn, also hates to clean/pick up, and is way too enamored with video games. There mom. He is not perfect, and I never said he was, AND he gets into trouble just like everyone else.

He is also in baseball, and for some reason, there is nothing I love more than to watch that kid play baseball. He genuinely loves it, but he loves all sports, and enjoys every second of them. It is fun to watch him play because he has a natural love and aptitude for all sports. We are even giving tennis a shot this summer because he talks about how he wants to play tennis all the time.

Kaylie Age 4 Preschool at Miss Michelle's.

This girl is everyone's favorite drunk. The thing Peter and I say to her most is, "Kaylie, you are talking TOO LOUD!!!" Everything is max volume to her and there is no stopping her. She is boisterous  loud, and even too aggressive. However, she is actually pretty darn hilarious  and knows how and when to make people laugh. She's got great comedic timing. She loves being girly. LOVES her new room, (finally out of a crib at 4 years old) and is going to have to share a room with our new family member. Hope she doesn't mind!!! She loves Barbie Videos, and my little ponies, and can play with them endlessly. It reminds me of the hours I would play with Barbies, creating stories, and working them out in my head. She does this with Pony's and I love watching her do it.

We have had problems as of late with her aggressive personality. One of which includes someone berating me the other day at Wade's baseball game because my daughter beat up her daughter. Yes, she was speaking of our 4 year old Kaylie, and her 8 year old daughter... Yes, my 4 year old beat up her eight year old. I think she wanted to press charges on our 4 year old. I'm glad she didn't. When I asked her why her daughter didn't defend herself, she had no answer. It was a bizarre moment, and unfortunately, one that I hope to never endure again, but probably will.

Our only hope is that someday we can channel it into sports? Luckily, she loves sports and loves  to play anything that her siblings are playing. My biggest challenges are keeping her busy. Luckily, we have preschool twice a week, and 1/2 day daycare twice a week. One of those days, her favorite bestie Daniella) is also there and she counts down the seconds until she can go to Miss Sarah's to see Daniella. Unfortunately, Daniella is going to Kindergarten next year. Nooooooooooooooo! And Kaylie still has another year of preschool. Ack. Oh well, hopefully we will find a new bestie to play with.

Just a glimpse into my life currently. Thought I should document how  it "was" before this baby hits the scene. . .

Coming Around

When I look into the back seat of my mini van, I can hardly believe it is full, and I can hardly believe that I am going to be adding another body back there. At the same time, each time I check our my rear-view mirror, this scripture comes to mind.

3 Lo, ^achildren are an ^bheritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his ^creward.

5 ^aHappy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.

Luckily, I think I am coming around. If I don't stay too focused on sleepless nights, and how I am going to juggle activities for the other kids with an infant, I actually get a little glimmer of excitement. 

It's kind of like it's contagious. The person in my family who is the most excited is Peter. I can honestly say, this is the first baby since we had Abby that he is "excited" for.  Not sure why he wasn't super excited about Jaxon... I think there was a lot going on with work, and he wasn't in the best frame of mind in life. We all know, since last post, he didn't "want" Wade, or Kaylie. It's actually fun to have him back into "liking" babies. He is, after all, the baby whisperer. Babies love him, and are always happy in his arms. I sure hope that is the case with this baby, because I am going to need all the helping hands I can get!

Also, with obedience comes blessings. 

We sold a home in Spokane. We still have a home, but we sold one. The "albatross" as it were. We lost of lot of money, it's a hard pill to swallow, but in the same breath, it's a blessing. We won't be losing money every month, (like we were) and although the "investment" didn't turn out like we had hoped, we did get "some" out of it, and it is going to help us, a lot right now.  Like, a lot, a lot. We are blessed, and it is amazing to feel that sense of relief. Almost like we are being released from a millstone that has been about our necks for 5 years. 5 YEARS! 

That is a long time. A looooooooooooooooong time. 

With Obedience comes blessings. 

Year In Review

I can hardly believe this will be our SECOND Christmas in this house. A milestone for the Wynia family for sure. I think, to date, we have now lived in one house longer than anywhere else in our entire lives. And you know what? It feels good. I think the timing was right. I really didn't mind being a vagabond for several years. I like the cleansing process of a move. Reorganizing my life. Purging the excess. It feels good. The actual MOVING part is not much fun, but I like the rest of it. But it also feels good to be in one place.

It's hard to think back a year ago. So much of my life is just getting through that particular day. I can't believe that it was almost a year ago that Peter and I went to Jamaica for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. What a blessing that trip was. We don't have the means, or opportunity to do that much for ourselves, and it was such a welcome trip after so much. The spring seemed like such a mellow time. I didn't have anyone in any sport (except for Wade in baseball, which he LOVED) and it was so nice. After a long (and hot) summer, I was super excited for the kids to get into school. I was so relieved with the choice to go to the Charter School, and looking back now, I realize that it was such a blessing in disguise. I didn't have the time, or wherewithal to figure out where my kids needed to be. When we moved here, I just put their names on every single Charter School list I could think of. To know that we live so close (not as close as our home school, but still) and to know that my kids education is so great is such a reassurance that we are in the right place. The school has done the most for Abby, getting her to take responsibility for her work, not missing assignments (which was difficult at first, and we had a big learning curve) and getting her to really apply herself in school. She made Honor Roll the first semester, and I think she made it again this semester. She is the biggest challenge in our family right now. I think it is that "tweenager" thing coming around. . .

Jaxon has finally gotten himself settled into school. With a change in teachers this year, and being at the same school  WITHOUT a principle that saw Jaxon as a major roadblock. With her gone, he has a clean slate, and he is happy, well adjusted and even doing well in school, and he is being mainstreamed more as well, which makes his mamma happy. He is behind in general in his education, but we are making good strides, and I am happy to see his progress.

Wade, the golden boy. I'm not gonna lie, he's pretty fantastic. He is smart, happy, and pretty well adjusted. He has some angry bear moments. But for the most part, he's a pretty great kid. He doesn't love to clean, or do chores, and he likes to play video games far too much, but great, really great. I'm sure he'll have some problems. Doesn't everyone?

Kaylie, dear Kaylie. My saving grace is that she goes to preschool two days a week, and daycare two days a week so that I can work. Honestly, the biggest blessing of my life, because that girl is A LOT to handle. Love her to pieces, and when she is being sweet, she is very very sweet, but  when she is being bad, she is HORRID! (Bless her heart)

Me, I'm doing well. The kids are keeping me VERY busy, and I now know what it means to be hauling a bunch of kids around to various activities, helping with homework, being a slave to schedules, and running around. It's a different life. One that I didn't think would be so overwhelming, but, it is. I am trying to make sure that it is not excessive, and that we still fit in the things that are important, however, that is not always the way it works out.We fall behind, and make mistakes for sure. I'm trying to juggle more balls than ever before with work, home, housekeeping and everything else. Sometimes I am astonished with what I can do. Other times, I don't want to do a darn thing!!!!

Husband, the stores are doing well, still lots of work, constant state of progression. We are learning to balance. Together. It is hard when you run your own business to not be constantly drawn to working on it, or being at work, or working, or worrying about work. But it is getting better, and we still love it. We will love it a lot more when we get to see the "fruits" of our labor, but, we love it.

You know what I like about this?

Is that I can post things on here and there is a DARN good chance no one will read it. But if you happen to, you will be privy to some special information. I'm pregnant. Yep. Just found out. The feelings are mixed. I have known this day would come for quite some time. About the time that we were getting ready to move to CA, actually, about 4-5 months BEFORE that, my husband knelt in prayer. Just you know, night time prayer. Nothing special. He stood up and immediately said, "Oh no." When I inquired as to what the problem might be, he said, "you don't want to know.." I insisted that I DID want to know, and he said, I saw another child. Me, "?"

I was pretty much astonished. As a youth, young person, new mother, I had aspirations of having 5 children. It was what I grew up with, so, it sounded natural. After we had Jaxon, we took a long break from having kids, because, to be honest, Peter wasn't sure he wanted any more. He insists that my desire to have more children was strictly based on culture pressures, and silliness. But not so. I sincerely felt the Lord's promptings in expanding our family. Much to my husband's chagrin. ***UPDATE: I have since heard my HUSBAND tell this story, and he said that he was giving a prayer of gratitude for the opportunity to work with his dad again on a business venture. . and during his prayer, offered to do whatever H.F. would ask of him and almost immediately after, had the distinct impression we were supposed to have another child. Clear as day.

Even being a "baby person" the daunting task of parenting Jaxon for the first three years of his life, had inevitably changed his parenting desires, and he claimed to no longer want any more children. Not even the ones we ended up having. The funny thing is I would pray and pray and pray for Peter's heart to soften, and just about the time I was ready to have another baby, he would say, "okay" and we would have another baby. (He, by the way, swears he was having babies against his will.)

The thing is, this time, I was sure I was done. Certain. Kaylie has been the most challenging child we have had to date. She was a horrible baby (I'm sorry, but she was) She WOULD NOT SLEEP TRAIN. And I sleep trained all of my babies. Even Jaxon. She woke up every morning at 4 or 5 A.M. even when we were moving, and I would pray my guts out every day that she would just sleep a little longer, and that prayer was never answered.... and she would wake up by doing THIS.



I mean, if that doesn't make you want to poke your eyeballs out every single day, I don't know what does!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! She is still a challenge, and I was certain, we were done. But how could I not listen to a husband who was done after #2, and saying that now, there was an additional spirit that needed to be in our home.

It took us a long time to get to this point. A looooooooooong time. He had these feelings almost three years ago!!! I told him I would not consider it until we were well established in our new home, because I was pregnant with Kaylie when our lives were imploding, and although I knew my life would not implode when I moved to California, I also knew it would be a LOT of work, and a struggle to start a fledgling business. After we had lived here for around 9 months, Peter started in. Quite frankly, I was hoping he had forgotten. I told him there were stipulations to my pregnancy. We disagreed. We disagreed some more. And finally, he came to me and said, I don't know what else to do. This is what we are supposed to do, and I almost can't sleep at night with it weighing on me. I complied. Really, I know, that sounds horrible. Just complying in a situation like this, but I did. I was hoping that eventually I would get the answers that I needed and the faith that I needed to go through with it. I stopped using birth control. Eight months went by, and I never got pregnant. I was hoping the Lord forgot! YAY ME!. But, no. I have done all that I can to get myself "on board" and honestly, I am still not sure that I am. But I am taking the leap of faith, into the darkness. I am praying that this will bless our family with the things that we need at this time. There are people in our family still struggling with issues. I hope that some of these issues will be resolved either with this baby, or with our faith in having this baby. And so it is. I am pregnant. At 40. Something I swore I WOULD NOT DO.

But, I did.

Catching up

I think it's time for a post! I'd like to go back into the depths of my phone for memories.. We started a new school this fall, I've already blogged about it, and my utter love for that place, so, I won't include it here... But it's still just as awesome as it was when we started!

Jaxon had his first pinewood derby, and he Won! Peter was such a great dad. Even though it was an insane time of year for us with opening a new store, he spent time with Jaxon molding and shaping that thing! He won the first pinewood derby he was ever in, so it was important to him to have a very good showing for their first time.

We spent a day at Disneyland on a rare day off of school. Our passes for the year were ending and we were trying toile the most out of our limited time.

We got ready to open our new store! Opening a store is like pushing a boulder up a hill. It is so challenging and those last few days you feel like you are in a pressure cooker! We finally got it open and did 700 pizzas on our first full day open. Peter is always astonished by m marketing efforts... The store is doing well, and we are so happy to be at this point. I also got shingles just a few weeks before we opened. Not a happy surprise. Especially not on my face. It came as a result of stress from managing my job, and some hurtful people in my life. No worries, those people are at a distance now, but I just hate it when you are attacked by people you think are your friends!

It was a trying time for our family, juggling so much on our own is very difficult. With small kids, and 4 of them! And no family around to help lighten the load. Unless you have done it, it is hard to imagine the stress you are put under. Our contractor asked me if it put a strain on our marriage. It most definitely does, however, to date it is nothing like the strain of having a business blow up in your face, losing your entire investment, them being under employed or not employed at all for three years. Simple as that. In some ways,?i wonder if we went through all of that just so the pressure of opening these stores would seem like a cake walk. So far, it does.

A little this, a little that

I think I know what keeps me from posting on my blog. The inability I have to post pictures. I got a few new devices, and I have yet to figure out how to get pics from my device to my blog. I must inquire with a few people to figure it out.

We opened our new store a week ago Wednesday, which was 4 days ago, so, officially 1 week and three days ago. It was much different than our first store opening, where we opened with staff that had been working for three days, most of them never having had their OWN Papa Murphy's pizza. They were confused, slow, and Peter was putting in hundreds of hours at the store when we would run out of dough like, every day. . .

Now, we have 1/2 a trained staff, and 1/2 new, and most of those people who are new have at least heard of us before! They move and learn more quickly because they have people around them who are moving and working quickly, so, they pick it up more quickly. Which is a huge blessing. The pull on the new side of town was intense. Lots of people, very excited people, who couldn't wait to have a store over there. Many would drive across town to get a pizza, and were ecstatic they no longer had to. We worked up to the very last minute to get the store open. As a matter of fact, when the inspector came, our make line wasn't even hooked up. Meaning, we didn't even know if it was going to work yet. But, he let us pass anyway, and I felt like shouting from the rooftops! So much goes into that moment. So much planning, working, ordering, I mean, I can't even describe it. It is so overwhelming that last push. But we did it. A few days later than we wanted to, but we opened the day our print ad dropped, and that was the REAL miracle. (I just realized that a lot of this means NOTHING to you, but when I read it back years from know, I will know exactly what it means, and what it meant, and I want to remember.. because sometimes it seems like we are moving mountains over here!)

My job, as always has been marketing, and getting the word out. I don't know how to go 1/2 way. As a matter of fact, Peter was hoping on giving away 400 pizzas on our second day of opening. (On our first day, we didn't open until 3 p.m. and did not have a lot of time to let people know we were open.) Papa Murphy's mailed out 2500 VIP passes, that would allow people to come and get a free pizza. They did not do this last time, and we had no idea exactly how we would be impacted by this. So, I just went about my job, getting the word out, E-mailing key contacts a VIP pass, and telling them to spread the word. Little did I know how viral it would go, 700 pizzas, and out of dough later. After I counted the mailed passes that were redeemed, it was a total of 57. So, the remaining 643 were given away strictly to the word of mouth I created. Not to mention how many people came, but left because the line was too long. I wish I knew THAT number!  Someone was talking to me last night that they got an email about the grand opening and there were 200 people on the email. That was just one person, and I don't even know if it was someone that I sent the email to originally. Crazy. People were doing their job most certainly, getting the word out, and we are grateful.

My trailer has been in full swing as well. I feel like a carnie folk, traveling around with the Kettle Corn Guy (his name of course) and the Shaved Ice Guy, and the Hot Dog Guy. We all show up at events, say hi, give each other freebies. It's an interesting life.  Most of it I have hired out, because when the stores open, Peter is at the store, and I need to get the kids to their stuff, and so, something has to give. But, I found someone who can do it, and I trust them to do a great job. So far, it's working, and again, I am grateful. Events are always at the same time that I have OTHER events with my kids, so, finding a balance is just about the most challenging thing of all time.

We are coming up to one of the two biggest days of the year. Halloween. What do you do, when you own a pizza store, and the biggest day of the year is Halloween? You work, and you have someone else take your kids trick or treating. Honestly, Halloween is one of my LEAST favorite holidays as a parent. I don't remember not enjoying it as a kid, teen or even young adult, but it didn't take long before I dreaded it as a parent. Thinking of costumes, making everyone happy, making/not making costumes, party after party after party where your kids come home wound up, out of control and on a sugar high that is through the roof. Yeah, I could do without it.

But this year (we missed it last year by three days) I'm working, probably until 7 (i hope the rush has died by then!). Luckily, I have the best 19 year old babysitter a person can have. She is ALWAYS available, and her mom drives her to my house, and picks her up most of the time. She loves my kids, and she agrees to babysit on days like HALLOWEEN. I'm blessed. For real. The only thing that could be better is if she could DRIVE. But alas, she doesn't have a drivers license and isn't planning on getting one. Drat. That is okay, it forces me to arrange my schedule so that I am at  most of the kids events, even if it nearly kills me getting there. Oy.

I can't say I'm surprised at our new life. I knew it would be like this to some extent, but it is always different when you are actually going through it. I am just grateful that we are making it. Some of the tiredness, and run-down-ness is extreme. More extreme than I have ever experienced. However, our contractor, who was an LDS Bishop, recently released, asked me when I was leaving the store at 2 a.m. if doing this was a strain on our marriage. I laughed. Almost out loud. Peter and I had just worked from 8 a.m. to 2 a.m. and he asked me if it was a strain on our marriage. I realized that it wasn't. I mean, don't get me wrong. There are times when we are both VERY strung out, and we may not react with the most pleasant of tones, or voices. However, we BOTH decided this and we are in it together. I thought back to just over a year ago, when I was leaving Arizona and praying that the most hellish time in my life was trailing behind me in my rear-view mirror. I couldn't drive fast enough. It wasn't Arizona per-se, but what happened to us while we were there. I was praying that it was coming to an end, and although we are STILL dealing with repercussions from that time, I realized that that time, may have actually been a test, a test to see if we could do this. We passed that test, and this... seems like a complete cake walk, in comparison and retrospect.

I know there's a plan. Sometimes it is so hard to see. But I am grateful for experiences that teach us, that we can endure hardship of any kind. It's been a ride. Quite a ride.

In a School

Abby and Wade are attending  a new school this year, and I am just head over heels about it. Abby regularly  has to memorize poems, and literature, and recite them to her teacher for grade. I have no idea why I think this is a great way to educate, but I do. Something I can't explain. Maybe it is because her first poem that she had to recite was the "SELF DISCIPLINE POEM"
______
Self Discipline is the virtue we use to manage ourselves and the different parts of our lives,
It involves controlling our tempers, it involves controlling our wishes, it means controlling our appetites, it means controlling our egos, and even controlling our mouths.

Self Discipline not recognizing our limits. Not wanting not wanting too much too soon, and not reaching so far beyond our abilities that you are asking for trouble.

In short, self discipline means saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong things it means taking charge of yourself. And if you do so, you will find yourself a happier, healthier, better person.

______

I don't know. That is about all you need to do to impress me. I love the classical education format. They whole heatedly believe that memorization is a helpful skill, and practice it regularly. They start teaching French in Kindergarten, and Abby is already learning Latin as well. Since Latin is the base of many languages, I think this is so helpful. They are also very strict. So strict, that Abby has missed 4 assignment (for random reasons, mostly being, she wasn't paying attention, which is her biggest problem) and now she is getting after school detention.

Each child has to shake their teachers hand before they go home, and I just stinking love it. I am so grateful they got in. To be honest, I was on the fence, and I wasn't sure about sending them there at all. It is further away, I had to pay for expensive school uniforms, and Abby has large amounts of homework each night, and her spelling words are words that I still have trouble spelling. Sometimes I can't believe the the words on that list. But she is doing well, and excelling, and being more responsible (despite the missing assignments if you can imagine) and I just love it.

They just read Beowolf, and Abby is retaining so much history, it is astonishing. All about the Byzantine Empire. (?) Most of the material she is covering, I didn't cover until I was in High School. But I honestly believe that children have the capacity to learn much more than we give them credit for. And so does this school. They require it, they expect it. And I love it.

Jaxonism.

Had to post for posterity.

Please ignore all of the errors, Jaxon has a very hard time spelling.
If you can't read it, the note says as follows:

"I really like Jolly Ranchers. I mean, who doesn't. I really need some candy. Mom said we can't get any Jolly Ranchers. The only thing we can afford is erasers. I am definitely the biggest fan of Jolly Ranchers."

The Countdown, and other stuff

Just two more weeks until we open store #2. This is where the incessant hand clapping starts in my head, and I try to keep up with the marching, even when the beat gets to an unsustainable pace. Turns out, it's already backfired. Peter and I left to go to a Papa Murphy's convention on Monday. I worked and worked and worked to get the house ready for the in-laws to see after 6 months. It was a mild success. I still had things that I had left to do, that didn't get done. I had to let it go. On Saturday, two days before we left, I noticed some small eczema developing on my nose. It was a few bubbles, and that happens to me occasionally when the weather changes, although the weather isn't changing, I didn't think it was too suspect.

By Monday morning, the day we left, the bubbles were bigger, and festering. I found myself desperate to hide them from people I would be mingling with at the Convention. I brought some Hydrocortizone cream with me and that night, lathered it on, in hopes to stop the rampant spreading on my face. By morning, I had a boil. I popped it, in desperation before heading off to our meetings. I was careful to not to remove the skin, but just let some of the fluid out. That would turn out to be a colossal mistake. The sore got worse, and started to show signs of infection. By the time we left convention  I was definitely concerned, and planning on seeking  medical advice. Thursday morning, my eye was swollen, which lead me to a hasty Dr.'s appointment at the dermatologist. Their conclusion? MRSA. Just what EVERYONE wants to hear when they have a break neck work schedule for the next two weeks, including an event on Friday. I started stressing about how I was going to cover this event now looking like beating victim with a large sore on the side of my nose, and a swollen eye.

The next morning, after starting a heavy round of antibiotics, my sore had worsened, and I was in full panic mode. Already panicking and stressed over a possible MRSA diagnosis, and now trying to determine why I wasn't getting any better. I returned to the Dr.'s office first thing in the morning, and begged someone to see me immediately. They did. And now, that I had yet ANOTHER bubble forming on the tip of my nose, the dermatologist determined it might be SHINGLES, or SHINGLES AND MRSA. Of course, the culture that they took the day before would not be ready for 24-48 hours, and that would be, oh, SATURDAY. Of course. So, I get to worry all weekend long if I have MRSA, SHINGLES, OR BOTH.

They put me on an antiviral medication as well. With a cream for my nose, and told me to go to the Ophthalmologist to ensure permanent nerve damage wasn't being done to my eye. Awesome. That is ALWAYS news that you want to here. AND they told me to go to the ER if things didn't get better over the weekend. (Another great tidbit of news, don't cha think?)

Luckily, things are progressing, although I still have a quarter size sore on my nose that is practically black and disgusting. I have been taking all of my medications, which leave me feeling queezy, and having a low grade headache all day long, along with aches and pains like I am recovering from the flu. The stress I am feeling is absolutely un-measurable. But I figure I better document this kind of thing, because I am sure when I look back at this time in our lives, I will wonder if it REALLY happened, because it just seems completely UN-REAL. Seriously.

Gone too Soon

I really haven't had much experience with death. My grandparents passed away when I was 10-12. One of them before I was even born. I went to the funeral, I remember those things, but because my relationships with my grandparents wasn't that close, I didn't feel the emotional loss.

I really haven't had anyone else in my family pass away. Not even friends. I had a guy I knew in High School die when hit by a car. I liked him, he was nice, but again, I didn't have that connection with him. I mean, I just wasn't that close to him.

When I was moving to California, I put my facebook feelers out (I seriously love facebook for that) and asked if anyone knew anyone who lives in Temecula. I got two hits. One was a relative of someone that lived  in my current ward, and one was a friend of a very good friend of my own. I called both people, they lived in different stakes actually, and spoke at length about schools, areas, neighborhoods, etc. I felt it was the only way I could make an educated decision about where to live and where to have my kids go to school.

One of these people was Claudine Taylor. My friend Nicole, who was a neighbor of mine growing up, and also went to BYU Jersalem with me immediately told me her friend Claudine would be a great source of information. Indeed she was. She would speak with me endlessly about where to live, schools and more. She would never act irritated by my calls, or questions. When I got into town, she checked in with me to see if I was settled, her son applied for work at our store, and quickly became a favorite of mine. (Yes, I totally have favorites). I would speak with her from time to time, but we would go to lunch, and talk about life. She was easy to talk to, I could have told her anything and she would have kept it in total confidence. She was one of THOSE people. It's not like we spoke everyday, or even every week.  We would chat once a month or so, and go to lunch every couple of months. Just to check in with each other. Having such a rocky ride over the past few years, I appreciated her solid friendship, and knew, in a pinch, I could have asked her for anything.

Justin came into work at the beginning of summer, he was getting ready to attend BYU, HI and go on a mission. He said that his mom was sick, and going to a lot of Dr. appointments, and that he needed to quit a few months early because of her illness. I inquired as to what was wrong, and he said the Dr.'s really didn't know. I informed a mutual friend of Claudine's illness, and she said she didn't even know (she was in Claudine's ward) she was sick. Her husband, being in the Bishopric, quickly responded to find out what was wrong. I was told she was going into the hospital. Not being a "daily" friend, I sent her a facebook message, asking how she was doing. It didn't get a response. I asked Justin, he said she was sick, but doing okay. He thought she'd be home that week. Another week went by, she was still in the hospital, my friend in her ward said she didn't think she'd make it!?!?!?! I was stunned, but thought CERTAINLY in this day and age, people don't just die at the age of 43 from "nothing".

Justin left for school at BYU, HI, I thought for sure that was a good sign that she must be getting better, since he had pretty much been caring for his younger siblings all summer long. He got his mission call, and I thought, WOW! Claudine must be elated!!! She heard of his mission call just hours before she passed away. He didn't even get to tell her himself.

The shock and stun to me has been horrifying. I have never felt such a loss in my life. She wasn't even an "everyday" friend, but a solid as a rock friend. My heart was sick for her son, and other small children, she is only a few years older than myself, and the thought of leaving this life without seeing my children grow into adults was shattering my world. I reached out to Justin, and assured him, that we would support him without a doubt, and although he probably has plenty of people who will support him, I wanted him to know, if he ever needed a "mom" to talk to, I would drop everything to be there for him.

I watched him grow into a man in 30 days. He spoke at her funeral. I started crying when I walked into the room. I could hardly believe that I person I went to lunch with at the start of summer was laying in a casket, without a spirit in her body. The feelings were overwhelming. I learned things about Claudine that day that I never knew, I also heard again and again what an amazing person she was, and that, I had experienced first hand. I KNEW she was amazing. Think of the most amazing woman you know, that was her. . .maybe even more so. Caring, loving, friend to everyone, event the friendless. Selfless acts of service constantly. It is devastating to me that she has left this life. But then again, I realize, that such a perfect person did not need anymore time in this life, but is needed in the next. Although my heart aches for this family, and I cried for at least 3 hours yesterday, they were selfish tears. I was crying for myself, because I wouldn't be able to glean any more information or love from her. I needed more time. But now, I will think of Claudine, and her selfless acts of service every time I need to work on being better. She was an incredible example to me, and I am grateful to have known her, even if it was for just a short time.

Ants in my pants

A couple of weeks ago I found a big old army of ants on my garbage cans outside.   We haven't had an ant problem "yet" so, I just figured I'd call the pest people and have them come on out.... They did. A few days later, they were in my house! In my boys bathroom, next day, family room, next day, laundry room.... I figured this problem was not going to move  on by itself....so I finally called the pest guy AGAIN.

He came, put out bate.. I thought the problem was gone until today.  Nts moved to jaxons room, where they were crawling all over a swim suit, on their way to 5 empty pudding containers under his bed.
 Problem #1 millions of ants
Problem#2 secret food horder who ate all the pudding, and stuffed it under the bed.
Problem#3 jaxon took the swim trunks, and up them BACK IN  HIS DRAWER where all of his clean clothes are now covered in ants.

I hate ants.
Ants are hard to get rid of.
Ants may push me to the loony bin.
I want to go to bed and not get out.

Oy.

Back to School

The kids are back to school, Jaxon started last Wednesday at his old school. . . He seemed okay with going back. As long as everyone else was going back too. (He went to some summer school, and did NOT like that at all!) He is always a ham for the camera... 

 We get normal, 

 Tired of Posing

 Wait, LIKING posing. 

 REALLY liking posing. 

 Now I've done it. Taken ONE too many pictures. 

 I shoulda known....

 Abigail and Wade got into a Charter School. They teach a Classical Education. I am super excited about it. Because they are a great school, and I love the concept of Classical education. 

how hilarious is Wade's face?

 And I'm not going to lie, I like the uniforms. Abby got harassed mercilessly last year for the clothes she wore. I am just happy to have that out of the equation now! We can focus on school. HURRAY! Shirts must be tucked in for the boys, belts on, and no slouchy pants or hairdos. . .

 Wade walked into his classroom with the most sense of purpose I have ever seen in a 5 year old. He walked straight to his seat. Assessed the situation, saw that most people were coloring and went straight to work.

Like he was writing the code for the newest form of nuclear fusion. I'm serious. I didn't get a BYE MOM! Or a tear or a nothin'. This kid just went to work like it was his mission in life. Now that I think about it, maybe it IS his mission in life. He loves school, school loves him. I see a great blending of two very smart grandfathers here.....Pretty much, is options are limitless.  

Abby, being in 6th grade, would NOT let me walk her to class. Even on her first day, so, I walked myself there and took pics from the doorway. She is in the back of the room, emptying her backpack... Now that we have been in school for a week, I am realizing the blessing this school is for her. It is perfect for her. She is acting more confident in her abilities, and seems more focused and sure, and I love it. 

This is one of the things I love about their new school. The teacher in this pic was talking to them about how to form a straight line, how to shake hands, and greet a teacher. Administrators from the school stand all over in the morning and greet the students with a handshake. A student is expected to return the shake and say 'good-morning', and look that person in the eye. They care about respect, and they believe the having it, is the right way to live your life. . . . me too. 

 I have no idea where she gets her attitude from. None. 

heaven help me. 

 Kaylie went to school too. She is at Ms. Michelle's, where Wade went to preschool last year. I am not going to lie, Ms. Michelle's is NOT close to my house. However, after Wade finished preschool last year, I decided that Ms. Michelle was the best darn Preschool teacher any of my kids had ever had, and I wasn't going to lose her. Although I had told her that I was going to be putting Kaylie somewhere closer to me, I totally changed my mind in the middle of the summer and decided to put her in. SOMEHOW we got back in, and doesn't she just look ready for school. Uhhh huhhh. She's ready for sure. 

So far, so good!

Endzone Dance

I went up to my room tonight, after I had packed up all the school supplies that have been sitting on my counter and cluttering it for a couple of weeks now, and I felt like spiking a football and doing the football dance!!! I DID IT! I FINISHED YET ANOTHER SUMMER!

Actually, for the first time since I can remember having kids in school, summer wasn't all that bad. Actually, it was kind of enjoyable. My kids love going to the beach, and so do I, so, that makes for some fun. They were involved in a few activities, so many actually, that I was kind of sick of running around all the time. The only thing I DIDN'T like about summer this year was patrolling the television. It didn't matter if I said they could watch it or not, someone was always trying to sneak it in. Or watching it when I was gone, etc. I need to vamp a new plan for next summer where I don't have to be such a watch dog on the TV.

Jaxon and Abby started Piano this summer which has been such a blessing. Abby has just blossomed with it. I actually kind of liked that she had a year long break. She knew just enough about the piano that when she started back up with it, she felt confident and enjoyed what she was doing. Now she is putting together songs that I just never thought I would hear her play, and it makes my heart sing for sticking with it, even though she took a year off. Taking a year off was not intentional, I couldn't find a piano teacher! But now, I am pleased as punch that I persisted and she is doing it, and doing it well. LOVE IT.

I finally enrolled Jaxon as well. If you think you have a child who complains about something just ask if you can come hang out with Jaxon for a day. It DOES NOT MATTER that his job has been to empty the dishwasher every single day for the past two years. Every time I tell him to do it you would think that he has just been sentenced to a life term in prison. There is whining and complaining and huffing and puffing. I have become so immune to it that it doesn't even bug me anymore when he does it. (However, it drives me INSANE when my other kids do it) But I just expect it from him. #Autism. Ugh. I was hesitant to put him in piano because it would be yet ANOTHER thing I have to badger him to do. However, I have found out that if I ask him to practice ANY OTHER TIME OF DAY THAN RIGHT BEFORE BED, he wines, he moans, he runs away after only playing one song. But, if he practices RIGHT before bed, he just sits and plays all of his songs with absolutely NO complaining. I would think with him being tired that it would just be a million times worse. I am thankful for small miracles like this. I mean, I am lucky that A- I tried to get him to practice at a different time (it was a total fluke) and B- That I even NOTICED that he did such a better job! I am so grateful. Such a small mercy from Heavenly Father.

Wade starts Kindergarten tomorrow, and I am so excited for him! I am not sure if I will cry. I never have with the other kids. Maybe I will for him because I have such a soft spot for him, but on the other side, I am so excited for him to get to put his brain to use all day long because I have the BIGGEST battle with him, and wasting time. However, he LOVES to learn, so, I am happy that challenge will be placed with his teacher for a time.

Work has already started a full swing, and I had no fewer than 6 calls on Friday for fundraisers. Some of them for next week even! I am not sure yet how I will be all places and do all things, but I find that a way always comes together. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to make a difference with our business, but sometimes it takes a toll on my little family. Luckily, everyone seems to take it in stride. I am sure there will be lots of family memories of "going with mom in the trailer to do a fundraiser." Abby got her taste last week when I took her out in 100 degree weather and we baked 15 pizzas in a a trailer, with three ovens going,  with no air conditioning! I am not gonna lie, I was just as miserable as she was, but of course, I couldn't show it. MAN, it was hot.

So I sit here in my mostly clean house, waiting for tomorrow when my kids are going to wake up and leave the house and it will STAY mostly clean!!! I can't wait for that moment. But I am blessed with 4 great kids. Sometimes I look around the table and I cannot believe that I gave birth to every single one of them. Fed them everyday, changed diapers, nursed them through all sorts of sicknesses, and kept them alive for all of these days. It really is a miracle. So far, I have spent 4045 days being a mother. Can you believe that? I sincerely can't. I think that we have a selective memory because after that many days it just seems like it would be an impossible task. There were times in my life where I wasn't sure if I would have the privilege of being called "Mom" in this life, but I am so grateful that I am. So grateful that I have made it this far, and so grateful for the fantastic kids that I have.

Wade

This is something that I just HAD to post. It know it has been all summer. ALL SUMMER, I never thought I would drift off so horribly. But, I can't help it. Having 4 kids in summer activities is juuuuuuuuuuust enough to be too much for me. And now, since school is starting, I am filling that time with work. But because my main motivation for blogging is keeping a record for my children, I MUST write about Wade.

He is touted as the Golden Child in our family. He is smart, cute, funny. He whistles, knows how to read (he hasn't started kindergarten yet), and he pretty much taught himself. He is smart as a whip, and remembers EVERYTHING you tell him, which is why I have to record these few stories for posterity.

Peter was taking Wade to football practice and the back seat was full. He decided to just let him sit up front for the short drive rather than unload all the boxes from his car. Wade was giddy with excitement stating the obvious fact, "I've NEVER been able to ride in the FRONT before!" Peter explained to him that was because there are airbags in the front seat, and if they go off, they could hurt him. Wade paused and asked, "What are airbags?"  Peter took to youtube for an instructional video and let Wade watch this.



Pretty intense and all. Wade got to practice, had football practice and when he returned to  Peter's car, got in veeeeeeeeeeeery cautiously, and after getting in, leaned waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over to the side over the arm rest almost all the way into Peter's side. When Peter asked what he was doing, he said, "I don't want the air shoots to hit me!" I didn't know all of this had taken place until the next day when Wade waltzed into the  kitchen and said, "Mom, will air shoots kill me?"

Wade has had a slight fascination with death lately, and I had NO IDEA what air shoots are. To be honest, we really discourage any kind of talk of guns and killing people in our house. I guess I just never want to plant that seed.. Anyway, I asked HIM what air shoots were and he said, YOU KNOW! The THINGS IN THE CAR!!!! I said, AIR BAGS? And he said YEAH!!!!

He was obviously traumatized, and I casually said they wouldn't hurt him, and later told Peter the story and he related to me the conversation he had with Wade. Wade is STILL concerned about it everyday, and today he was looking all over my car for the airbag insignia's and kept asking me where they all are. He is HORRIFIED by them.

Wade could be crippled for the rest of his life by irrational fears. If you don't remember this one, you definitely need to watch it again..   It's just a small glimmer of when his irrational fears started...